Pearls Before Swine

Yo. You have to see the things people write online. It's a complete crackup. Actual headings from Craigslist:

• "Would you like a secret relationship that will pay your rent?" (I believe this is called "prostitution.")
• "Married white male seeks cock deprived women."
• "Your place is not at my side, but at my feet." 
• "Want to date a super thin 98-110 girl." (Yeah, you and the rest of the planet.)
• "Looking for a Girl Who Wants to Get Pregnant."
• "Daddy $eeking Baby."
• "BUTT WORSHIP. I'm looking for a woman who's into having their butt totally and completely worshipped. I want to be a slave to your butt. I want to smell it, taste it, stare at it and just make out with it." 
• "Want to Live Together?" (You're not looking for a date, you're looking for a ROOMMATE. Wrong forum.)
• "Looking for married female pseudo-sociopath. Basically, looking for female version of me."  (Dude, don't be complaining later that you always pick the insane ones. You literally ASKED for it!)
• "Sensuous Senior seeks wealthy wench. I am seeking a wealthy woman to keep me in the style I want to become accustomed to. If you have a Krogen 44 or better yet a Fleming 55 motor yacht, that would be a plus. I would not turn up my nose at an Aeronca Champ either. In lieu of a photograph, please send a Dun & Bradstreet Report." (This one HAS to be a joke.)
• "Homeless man looking for a date and place to live. Please only respond if: 1) You are drop dead gorgeous. 2) You make over 100K per year. 3) You like sex."