Monday, April 21, 2014

Embarrassing myself through text, take 177

(Not word for word until the last part [screenshot]):
Him: Any idea what kind of stain remover will work on chocolate? I was eating those Tofutti Cuties you like on the couch and somehow chocolate got onto the cushion.

(Hours pass)

Me: Folex! That stuff rocks.

Him: I'm not surprised you have a favorite stain remover. But I couldn't wait and already tried something else. Looks like it worked.
(And then this happened:)

10 Types of 30-Year-Old Single Guys | Wait But Why (article)

This applies to a much broader age range than the title implies!

(Sent from my phone)

Sunday, April 20, 2014

The night the anti-phone girl yakked 2.5 hours

It was that 2.5 hour phone call that steered me away from dessert. Normally, after my ass hauls itself down an interstate corridor for endless hours, I bribe my body into thinking this is fun by allowing myself a treat. (Actually I love driving when the weather is nice and sing my little obnoxious lungs out in the car -- windows up because I'm not actually a jerk -- but I still like to make even short road trips fun by turning to vacation eating mode.)

We haven't yet met but he's the one I like the most so far, and I've been treading into dangerous "thinking about him before meeting him" territory, which is usually against my personal rules. Never ever let a crush develop before you can even tell whether or not they regularly brush their teeth, but nonetheless I've been finding myself think about our long emails... like, a lot... and feeling an odd twinge of affection.

We meet in a week, so will see! But if we like each other then I will have a head start on not making my lonely ass any fatter.

I reassured my dad that any dude I meet now goes into a 3-month probationary period anyway so he shouldn't worry about his lil' girl, I have good radar (now) and won't put a dude on my mortgage until I at least do a proper Googling. (Just kidding --at least about the mortgage....!)

(Sent from my phone)

Saturday, April 19, 2014

(Article link) Guys: Here's why your dating profile isn't working

Date Me, DC nailed it with her article on what's creepy in a dating profile. I know we are not supposed to be superficial but if your username is weird and you're not smiling, I'm not responding. See her full list here:

(Sent from my phone)

Thursday, April 17, 2014

I told my girlfriend tonight, "create space" (for seedlings to grow, of course)

It's worth it! Going through hell has finally paid off. I just helped another dear soul, one just starting out on her own after a divorce. She's where I was a few years ago.

I wrote her, and will share for any of you who are going through a divorce now, this to consider:
So, the things that are causing pain, I have these same exact thoughts. Less now, but: "Will I ever find love again, who will love me" etc. -- that's the part of you that doesn't feel secure that her needs will be met, that she'll be taken care of. 

She's not yet confident in your ability to take care of her because she's scared, it's like a little kid not trusting the subway because it's scary and she's never been on one. This is a new path and of course since you've never done this before you have no idea how it's going to go. 

If you could say to yourself, like you do with working out, "oh okay, if I do xyz then in x amount of time, x happens." Nope, you're the scientist observing here and have no road map. So bring with you patience, curiosity and a sense of adventure. 

Those thoughts that make you sad, welcome them along for the ride but they are not the only thoughts in the room even if they are being the loudest, most obnoxious ones at the table right now. Don't let them have another glass of wine -- the other thoughts are getting drowned out by their rowdiness but there is room for all to be present. 

The exciting thoughts: you get to have your alone time to do whatever! Maybe write a book? What would you do with your time if you didn't have your business? Try not to let the hopeful green sprout get drowned out by the worries just now -- just smile at it and let it know that there is room to exist in this giant new garden you will be cultivating. 

In order for something new to sprout, there has to be a space. You yank out a big ol' weed and then there's this awkward hole in the ground. It will be there until it's not - but it will not ALWAYS be a hole, there WILL be new growth. 

This is your time of creating space. 
The hardest part of... ANY thing? Our thoughts about it. If you could change your thoughts, you'd change your feelings, and if you change your feelings, then you're no longer in reaction mode and you can harness that otherwise siphoned energy. Just imagine what you could do then!

Like a wise friend once told me (and if you still read this blog, call me!), "What if you just believed everything would be okay?"

And it will.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

How to pick your life partner, parts 1 and 2 (best advice I have ever read) (article links)

I guarantee you that not only will you laugh your head off reading this, but you will learn some very astute facts. (Now if this blogger only had a match-making service...!)

How to Pick Your Life Partner, Part 1:

How to Pick Your Life Partner, Part 2:

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Sleet, the great date, and verbal apraxia (that took a vacay for the night)

At some point it happens - I am talking and I don't even realize I am expending effort to get the words out. My thoughts are flowing and it feels so seamless, and things slow around me and I realize I am extremely calm and energized at the same time.

It happened during the job interview 8 years ago for the awesome job I have now, it happens with good friends and family, and it happened tonight on my awesome date. 4.5 hours just flew.

Maybe this is the case for most people but not for me - usually there is some effort involved in verbal communication for me. (Well even written but at least I have the luxury of time there so it's not as anxiety provoking.)

I have a mild touch of something called "apraxia" where you go to say one word and another comes out instead. Like, I once meant to say "apple cobbler" but out came "apple crumble" (one recent example I can think of off the top of my head).

It happens all the time and has existed my entire life although is much worse when I am anxious or sleep-deprived. Caffeine helps because it affects alertness and how neurons fire together.

I can't control it so I usually save face by compensating in lots of various ways that I've developed over the years but to enter a "flow" state when talking is remarkably rare. At least for me.

Speech issues suck because our entire society turns on communication. If you happen to be a good, strong, confident and capable communicator, your social status and esteem soars. If not so much, then it will just add to a lack of confidence - your own words betray you and those around you are puzzled because you seem smart, especially in writing so why do you sometimes sound so dumb? It's like a verbal hiccup. Let this happen enough, like your entire life, and you stop wanting to speak up or out. However, you'll develop great listening skills and learn to write because there you can take your time and edit. (My unedited writing sucks! The words definitely do not flow out but practice makes a huge difference.)

Incidentally, this is another thing that several people in my family also have. We all have the same mild electrical heart anomaly too. Maybe we have similarities in more than one place structurally: not just the same nose or eyes, but similar supraventricular pathways of pacemaker cells and neural pathways in the brain too?

Apraxia and word retrieval difficulties do not lie in misunderstanding but rather in expunging the correct labels for thoughts. It's more that the process of getting the words out gets jumbled.

Anyway. So when I have a thing like tonight where it goes smoothly and awesomely and I don't even have to try so hard, it feels amazing! When you really connect, there's no mistaking it. We left the restaurant and it was sleeting and snowing (in mid-April!) so I wrapped my scarf around his head and he laughed and put his arm around me, making our exit cozy and warm despite the sleet blanketing us.

(Sent from my phone)