I am terrible at taking my own advice. "Don't worry before you know for sure what's going on," I said. "Nodules in lungs are common. Worst-case scenario, it's serious but even if it were cancer, it's supposed to have a 92% cure rate if caught early."
Then I got off the phone, turned off the lights, settled into bed and cried myself to sleep. Or, not-sleep, considering as I'm still awake.
Worst-case scenarios are so haunting.
The worst case for me is to lose the ones I love and I don't know how to bear the thought. Thinking of the terrible thing never prevents the thing from happening nor prepares one for coping, but what are we to do in the face of such giant inevitable losses looming?
Abstract me would say "give back" -- maybe after a train wreck tears away part of your life, the only way to get it back is to lessen someone else's pain? But all I can think about right now is how hard it is to be human sometimes. Funny that I once thought the worst thing that happened to me was go through a divorce. Pssht. Silly girl.
I got 4 hours of sleep last night. I have got to get some rest and I don't know how.
So I will read, but not about lungs.
(Sent from my phone)