dreamy

Me: How did you sleep, honey?

Him: Like a man who has discovered the woman of his dreams.

<melt>

It just keeps getting better and better. My god.

Love songs

"I woke up this morning with this song in my head." ~Amazing Boyfriend


I'm going to add more songs here (to compile a list) after this post isn't so prominent because I want to remember this high-as-a-kite feeling where every song speaks to us. <3

Fuckit

What about the future of this blog?

I seem to be switching from writing adoring posts about Amazing Boyfriend to writing them directly to him and I don't know what that will mean for the future of this blog. There will always be things to write about that I don't want my name attached to so I like that there's this anonymous outlet but I don't know that I will have the same needs that I did when I started this blog, fumbling my way through life with a raw and bleeding heart.

I do, however, have a bit of advice. If you happen to get a terrible cold while on vacation, ain't nothing better for the body then a good ol' dose of endorphins. Better than cold medicine: love letters, bitches!

Why blog?

Why blog? I originally started to practice both writing and opening up (and it just so turns out that I enjoy writing as an alternative to thinking out loud, so lots of processing happens here too).

Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert, explains it well.

When I first started blogging, my future wife often asked about what my goal was. The blogging seemed to double my workload while promising a 5% higher income that didn't make any real difference in my life. It seemed a silly use of time. I tried explaining that blogging was a system, not a goal. But I never did a good job of it. I'll try again here.

Writing is a skill that requires practice. So the first part of my system involves practicing on a regular basis. I didn't know what I was practicing for, exactly, and that's what makes it a system and not a goal. I was moving from a place with low odds (being an out-of-practice writer) to a place of good odds (a well-practiced writer with higher visibility).

The second part of my blogging system is a sort of R&D for writing. I write on a variety of topics and see which ones get the best response. I also write in different "voices". I have my humorously self-deprecating voice, my angry voice, my thoughtful voice, my analytical voice, my half-crazy voice, my offensive voice, and so on. You readers do a good job of telling me what works and what doesn't.

When the Wall Street Journal took notice of my blog posts, they asked me to write some guest features. Thanks to all of my writing practice here, and my knowledge of which topics got the best response, the guest articles were highly popular. Those articles weren't big money-makers either, but it all fit within my system of public practice.

My writing for the Wall Street Journal, along with my public practice on this blog, attracted the attention of book publishers, and that attention turned into a book deal. And the book deal generated speaking requests that are embarrassingly lucrative. So the payday for blogging eventually arrived, but I didn't know in advance what path it would take. My blogging has kicked up dozens of business opportunities over the past years, so it could have taken any direction.

http://dilbert.com/blog/entry/goals_vs_systems/

The weeks have finally turned into months

I had been counting the weeks because I couldn't yet count the months. But now it's 2 months (only 2 months!) and we are wholly, irreversibly, madly, amazingly, indescribably in love.

While on a trip apart pining away for each other, we recounted how we had only spent 2 whole weekends together. No wonder we're craving more time. Long swaths of time where we can tangle and gaze and do all the things that lovers do (that the Eurythmics crooned about) (sorry, terrible pun only relevant to 80s MTV fans!). (Puke? Or dance? YMMV.)

Every day seems to bring with it a new level of connection or a heightened bond about this thing we stumbled into without even looking or trying, and it's growing even deeper and more beautiful than I could possibly have imagined.

Here's the thing about being in love: it doesn't erase past loves. It does, however, remove their power. I have this overarching sense of peace now, about everything. Even the things that once smarted. Gone is any longing or wistfulness and I really just feel genuinely happy and content. (Like, all the time!) I don't know how long the honeymoon period lasts, but BRING IT, girlfriend, because this is fucking awesome.

So. In. Love.

(Sent from my phone)

Lucky

"I don't understand how another man could let you go," he said, kissing me softly between my eyebrows. "I won't."

I hadn't brought up much detail about various aches from the past: leaving relationships, feeling unreceptive to love, or being the recipient of unreturned feelings -- you get exposed to the gamut of heartache if you're out there -- but somehow he got it. I mean, I was honest even if not long-winded. I guess you can read between the lines when the reply to "why did your last relationship end" was "he didn't have the same feelings about me that I had for him." But it's okay. The closest thing I may ever get to a Happily Ever After is feeling lucky to have loved.

And to try again.

This just happened

Friend: Hey, here's a link to build your own TV antennae! All you need is 4 metal coat hangers, 10 wood screws, 10 washers, a Balun UHF/VHF Matching transformer, 2 - 22inch strips of 18 gauge wire, drill, cutter, and basic mechanical aptitude.

Me: Thanks. Too bad I don't have any of those things!

Connection

"What's different about this guy?" asked my friend. "If you had to pick one word, what would it be?"

 

I thought for a minute. How to describe this? In one word, yet?

"Connection," I said.

I couldn't resist adding more. "It's like we're very in tune with each other."

I paused, listening to myself. How lame that must sound. 

 

"I don't know how to describe it," I trailed off.

My friend knows me and is very supportive anyway. He knows this is unusual for me. "Yay, that's awesome!"

"Well it's still in the early stages," I said, suddenly protective about admitting my feelings.

How do you express that feeling when it just clicks? I think it's that we both "turn towards" each other similarly.

"People who turned toward their partners in the study responded by engaging the bidder, showing interest and support in the bid. Those who didn’t — those who turned away — would not respond or respond minimally and continue doing whatever they were doing, like watching TV or reading the paper. Sometimes they would respond with overt hostility, saying something like, “Stop interrupting me, I’m reading.” 

"These bidding interactions had profound effects on marital well-being. Couples who had divorced after a six-year follow up had “turn-toward bids” 33 percent of the time. Only three in ten of their bids for emotional connection were met with intimacy. The couples who were still together after six years had “turn-toward bids” 87 percent of the time. Nine times out of ten, they were meeting their partner’s emotional needs. http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/

What makes relationships work beautifully is both wanting the same thing. But that applies not just to similar interests and lifestyle but also to a similar amount of connection.

And this just feels so connected.

This.

He sent me this today. That he *made*, because "I didn't see anything that said what I wanted."

<swoon>