Friday, June 19, 2015

But 4 hours IS an extended period of time!!

My workplace recently did an employee satisfaction survey and it came out low. I'm happy working here, but apparently lots of people are not, so the head decided to address this.

He released a statement to the effect of "We're trying to address employee needs and happiness. We're working on it! We even got everyone a special little Red Cross kit in case there was an emergency and people needed to shelter in place for an extended period of time."
That yellow packet is our 4 ounces of water.
I found this WILDLY hilarious.

Because of one word: "Extended."

How long is an "extended" period of time? Because I remembered when those kits were handed out.

They contain precisely FOUR ounces of water.

Red Cross claims that this 4 ounce packet of water will provide ONE day's worth of water.

Four ounces is the equivalent of half a glass of water.

Consider that the (unofficially-recommended) daily serving of water is EIGHT 8-ounce glasses of water a day, how long was 4 ounces supposed to last? A few hours?

Even if the Red Cross has determined that cellular function can still occur at the (non ideal) level of 4 ounces per day, this means we can get through ONE day.

THIS is an "extended" period of time??
My brain fast-forwarded to the vision of an emergency scenario.

I pictured thousands of employees on day 4 dropping like flies, dead from lack of water.

An investigation would be opened as to why this happened, especially when the leader assured higher-ups that employees would be okay for an "extended" period of time.
Investigator 1: "But they had a Red Cross kit!"
Investigator 2: "Only the kind that lasts for a day. Poor slobs."
Investigator 1: "Huh. So why did they assure everyone that they were set for an 'extended' period of time?"
Investigator 2: [Shrug] "Well, maybe one day IS an extended period of time."
Investigator 1: [Goes back to scooping up bodies] "Sure must have felt like it to those thirsty sons of bitches."

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