Monday, August 17, 2015

Article and thoughts on "The Only Piece of Dating Advice You Need"

I agree with this article, "The Only Piece of Dating Advice You Need." What it means to be a priority to someone is that it will feel like you are a priority, whether it be a friend or lover. I spent some time trying to convince myself that I was laid back and didn't mind not being a priority, but the end result was very lonely.

That might work for some (or some time) but knowing myself now, I need high quality connections. Not only was my willingness to overlook my own needs a symptom of low self-esteem but I unwittingly reinforced those low feelings by investing in people who did not value me equally. It's embarrassing to admit.

Learning to listen to signals more than words helped. It's very confusing to hear, "you're amazing" or "I adore you" and then not feel it. People have different ways of reaching out, connecting and expressing so it's not necessarily the fault of the other person that you don't feel cared for, it may just be a basic incompatibility of needs or expression. You can either accept what is, or look for someone more similar. (They're out there.)

The best advice I got (for any relationship, including friendships) is to tailor your effort to theirs. If you reach out and there's no reaching back, then it will hurt to keep trying. It's usually not even personal -- could be timing or whatever -- but it's still good to be protective of your energy and invest it mostly in returns that feel good. Emotions are the best GPS.

The article:

The Only Piece of Dating Advice You Need

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