"I feel horrible about my hair!"He peered over and began inspecting my scalp, in quite possibly the kindest way one could embark on such scrutiny, yet I instantly regretted drawing attention to it. My mom was right. Never point out your flaws. But I never listen. I announce my flaws to the world, all the time. They're always on my mind, how could I not?
"What's wrong with it?"
"Well in addition to the usual shittiness, I haven't had a chance to cover my roots. My grays are coming in."
He didn't say anything for a split second and for all I know, he was stuck in that zone of not knowing how to word what should come next, like I was that time his daughter, arrestingly beautiful, wrinkled her nose at an older photo and said, "I was soooo ugly a few years ago!" She could not be persuaded of otherwise.
I stammered at first because all I could think was, "What? You are gorgeous -- a model, if you wanted (thank goodness you don't) -- oh you are the prettiest and you don't even know!" "Fairest in the land and everything!" I wanted to say all that.
But nothing came out because my brain was muddied with the surprise that someone so gorgeous and graceful would not know. I don't remember what I DID say but it probably didn't come across as very reassuring. (Note to self: work on that - and be thankful you haven't failed a teenage daughter of your own!)
Anyway so maybe that's why he didn't react right away. Peering down on the rats nest of salt & pepper strands, what do you say? "My what a gracefully fraying clump! No one wears frizz like you."
(My attempt at humor is terrible at this hour, and over this subject! But it is laughable, really.)
He kissed me and made me feel loved and I was on cloud 9 again (my phone wanted to change that to Clod 9) and I forgot all about my Flaws Tourette's until tonight, when his ex reached back out on Facebook and they reconnected after a break.
She's prettier and thinner and gawd, when will I just embrace my own damn humanity?
(Sent from my phone)