Monday, December 19, 2011

kidding, and not

Here's what I DON'T recommend: do not drive 450 miles in 24 hours, attend a family dinner in which you are scolded for not petting family member's dog long enough, and then drive to a movie to see a flick about a sex addict (Shame) with a sex addict ex who will shut down because I dunno, maybe the movie makes both of you feel too raw or because he knows you miss him and that feels weird.

Don't do all these things at once because when you feel rejected for the billionth time, it will suck JUST AS MUCH as it did the first million times.

You will still feel alone and shitty and stupid and that piled on top of EVERYTHING ELSE will crumble even your normally strong self.

I dreamt I was writing a novel. I titled it TRUTH. In all capital letters, just like that.

Awake, that seems like a terribly boring title, but in my dream it was shattering. There was some kind of groundbreaking revelation like  I'm not going to lie to myself anymore.

The truth: admit when it's not working.

It's so easy when you feel unloved to stop loving yourself as well. To feel like you don't deserve it. But that's when you need it the most.

1 comment:

  1. If you picked the movie, you are ...clueless. If he picked it... he's an a-hole. Good point about doing emotionally stupid stuff while strung out.

    After you finish TRUTH don't forget the sequel COPING MECHANISMS, it will be a much bigger seller, if less likely to get you on Oprah.

    If you can't love yourself, at least do right by yourself. (exercise?)