Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Pearls Before Swine

Yo. You have to see the things people write online. It's a complete crackup. Actual headings from Craigslist:
  • "Would you like a secret relationship that will pay your rent?" (I believe this is called "prostitution.")
  • "Married white male seeks cock deprived women."
  • "Your place is not at my side, but at my feet." 
  • "Want to date a super thin 98-110 girl." (Yeah, you and the rest of the planet.)
  • "Looking for a Girl Who Wants to Get Pregnant."
  • "Daddy $eeking Baby."
  • "BUTT WORSHIP. I'm looking for a woman who's into having their butt totally and completely worshipped. I want to be a slave to your butt. I want to smell it, taste it, stare at it and just make out with it." 
  • "Want to Live Together?" (You're not looking for a date, you're looking for a ROOMMATE. Wrong forum.)
  • "Looking for married female pseudo-sociopath. Basically, looking for female version of me."  (Dude, don't be complaining later that you always pick the insane ones. You literally ASKED for it!)
  • "Sensuous Senior seeks wealthy wench. I am seeking a wealthy woman to keep me in the style I want to become accustomed to. If you have a Krogen 44 or better yet a Fleming 55 motor yacht, that would be a plus. I would not turn up my nose at an Aeronca Champ either. In lieu of a photograph, please send a Dun & Bradstreet Report." (This one HAS to be a joke.)
  • "Homeless man looking for a date and place to live. Please only respond if: 1) You are drop dead gorgeous. 2) You make over 100K per year. 3) You like sex." 


  1. You did make me laugh with this. Thanks.

    "Stick to your guns" as they say, when we mean, "Stick to what makes you feel safe, your guiding principles, your rules."

    - B

  2. You are awesome. Keep up the good fight. There are others out there for you.

  3. I'm going through this right now. I never knew there were so many stupid people in one place before. My favorite message: Ur cute! Want 2 chat? No motherfucker, I don't.