Me: so I got divorced today.
Mom: Oh, I thought that was a year ago?
Me: No, it's a year that you have to be separated before divorcing.
Mom: You told you me you were divorced last year.
Me: I could not possibly have, as I was divorced today.
Mom: YOU SAID IT.
Later in the conversation:
Mom: So what happened?
Me: Well, I picked up my girlfriend and we went to the courthouse.
Mom: Wait, why did you bring your girlfriend?
Me: As a witness.
Mom: Why do you need a witness?
Me: It's a state requirement.
Mom: *I* didn't have to do that.
Me: I guess your state didn't require that.
Mom: What did they ask her?
Me: They just ask if she can verify that we've been separated for a year.
Mom: That's STUPID.
Mom: I mean, what does the girlfriend know? They can say anything.
Mom: Is it because he was giving you a HARD TIME? OMG I bet it was. You never should have married him!
Me: No, mom, it was fine. EVERYONE has to have a witness.
Mom: I didn't!
Me: That's because. You. Are. In. A. Different. State.
Mom: That's RIDICULOUS.
Me: It can be whatever, but it's the law.
Mom: I never heard of anything like this.
Me: I didn't make the law.
Mom: It sounds like you're telling me a flooky story.
Mom: WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE STRAIGHT WITH ME.