Last night I dreamt I met a wonderful guy and he was asking me about myself. We were both over the moon about each other (look, it's a dream, of course it's unrealistic) and were falling in love.
"Are you needy?" he asked.
"No," I said. Then I thought for a minute. "Actually I am needy. I need to be paid attention to, I need my partner to be kind, I need affection, and I need to feel special. But I have been told by boyfriends that I am not needy. I think that's because I understand how to give space. And I accept them for who they are."
He smiled and hugged me and then I fucking woke up.
(If it's GOING to be a dream, can't there be at LEAST a little more romance in there? Sheesh. My brain is too clean for my own good. Fucking realistic conversations. At least live it up a bit, brain!)
Well, maybe I failed that developmental milestone. I'm just not very sophisticated with my sense of object permanence. If my partner doesn't reach out, then I think he is losing interest.
I think it's because some research has shown that when you acknowledge how you're feeling and let the feeling exist instead of trying to stuff it away, it gets smaller somehow. I used to get annoyed when I felt crummy. "Go away! This feels terrible. You're fucking everything up." But that makes it worse, yo. Greet it, let it exist and then it will pass.
Sometimes I talk to it like an old friend. "Oh I hear you. You're trying to tell me something. Okay. You're worried. Got it." Then it doesn't have to shout to be heard because I already acknowledged it. It sounds crazy but it actually does work, at least for me. I've been feeling so incredibly even-keeled lately and I think that's one reason why.
I still want my dude to reach out though. Meditation doesn't help with that part.