Wednesday, May 28, 2014

But not really, maybe

When you are house hunting and job hunting, timing is the main factor. You can only scope out options from what is available, not from all the possibilities that may have existed. The only relevant thing is what's available now.

You build up a list in your head of your fantasy home but this will be tempered by reality. What can you afford? What kinds of homes are available at that rate? What are your must-haves? Your nice-to-haves-(but-not-dealbreakers)?

When you finally settle on a place, you begin investing in it. You spend money and time to make it homey and you resign yourself to accept the things you don't like so much. Maybe you hate the long, awkward kitchen but the location outweighs the inconvenience so you settle peacefully into a contented existence.

Same with a job. It has ups and downs, but as long as the ups are greater, you stay. You accept the parts you're not thrilled with because overall you want to work.

Nothing is perfect. You know this.

So why is it not the same with love?

You want love, right? Well, not really, if you turn away all the available options. (Which is okay, really, as long as you're honest with yourself. I mean, some people rent forever.)

At the core of dissatisfaction, however, isn't bad timing; it's expectations. What do you expect/desire from a partnership? If no one fits, is it because the idea of love is unrealistic? Do we expect our hearts to transport us whilst living mundane lives? Homes and jobs are not fantastical, not the way love can be.

No one makes movies depicting jobs that are pinnacles of joy and exuberance (if they did, patrons would laugh their way out of the theaters -- we've all held jobs and no one is buying it!).

But people still believe in a perfect love.

All around me, I see people yearning to meet "the one" and yet I think maybe what's elusive is that the blueprint is missing. Without knowing what it looks like, one can forever yearn for the perfect, unattainable scenario while eking out non extraordinary livings in imperfect homes.

I've spent so much time in a "temporary" place that I have become wildly content with impermanence. It's getting more and more difficult to imagine anything being worthy enough to make me uproot my freedom and space. The only longings I seem to feel now are mostly triggered when I see couples in love and building lives together. "Awww, I want that," I will think, touched by the deep demonstrations of their love, maybe even trying it on in the privacy of my head. What does it feel like to be loved like that?

So I want it, but not really, maybe.

Only if it's amazing, fantastical, the stuff of movies... but maybe that's unrealistic. When is it being grounded vs. settling?

(Sent from my phone)

Friday, May 23, 2014

The one in blue

It's like I lived 5 lives since I last wrote. Guy2, even though strikingly handsome, exhausted me conversationally. SUCH a nice guy, but we just didn't click. Ditto for some other dudes.

You know, I don't even feel like writing about the ones that don't work anymore. They could be funny stories, maybe, but so what? Dating is exhausting.

I used to think even the worst date could be worthwhile if it at least yielded good material. But I meet people, and sometimes I actually really like them as people and then writing about the not-clicking part isn't fun anymore.

So I'll make fun of me, since that's still a hoot.

And that, my friends, is the extent of my love life. It's easier to be the one in blue:

Thursday, May 22, 2014


Overheard: "I won't let him touch me, no. And it's NOT because I'm not being a ho, because I'd totally suck his dick. It's that I don't want him to manhandle my fat."

(Sent from my phone)

Monday, May 5, 2014

Role-playing demo of a charged conversation between exes

It's not even MY marriage being worked on here and yet this is making me tear up. Demonstration of a better way of communicating (using Nonviolent Communication, which is just a fancy way of saying that you prioritize speaking compassionately instead of from a place of distrust):

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Two articles for singles

Since I'm single, I tend to slant this blog journal to my own interests, although I don't know if this serves readers. I assume if you're here, it's because you either know me, are looking for ginormous boobs (one of my most popular posts, perhaps because I say "boobs" a lot -- but note that the post will be a letdown if you're looking for actual, serious boobage), or because you stumbled here by accident. I can see from my stats that pages are visited, but that's about the extent of the demographics I can build.
Google says 83 people visited my page today but I think 80 of those clicks were me.

So I am a little self-conscious posting only "here's stuff single, angsty people are interested in, enjoy!" with a  link, but that's what I'm doing today because I may want to refer back to some of these articles. If you're married or otherwise in a happy relationship, maybe I can entertain better next time. Enjoy!

Deeper reasons why people might be single:

Why some relationships seem similar:

Friday, May 2, 2014

The Dating Hamster Wheel of Despair

In today's Carolyn Hax live chat (which I am now catching up on), someone writes:

Yaaay!! All we need is to sit tight? Fine.

Here's the original column:

Singles: what to say when people ask about your love life (from the Carolyn Hax column)

Choice favorites from the comments section on the perfect deflectors for those awkward, unwelcome forays for information about your nonexistent love life. (All these come from the comments section on the Carolyn Hax column, I did not write them. For one, I hate wine.)

1. Deflect: Immediately turn the conversation back to them:
  • "How's Jimmy doing on parole?"
  • "Did they manage to fix up that botched nose job on Eloise?"
  • "Have you gotten up to a dozen cats yet?"
  • "Enough about me, how is your herpes coming along?"
  • "How is it you're still married?"
2. The Repulsion Technique: Answer with such a horrid reply that they will be mortified to pursue any further:
  • "Nope, I'm too busy sleeping around."
  • "Not yet, but I'm pen pals with several imprisoned felons so wish me luck!"
  • "I'm not looking for marriage, I'm just looking to get knocked up!"
  • "My boyfriend needs new batteries."
3. Confirm their suspicions that people are only single when there is something wrong with them:
  • "Oh I guess I'm just an awkward old maid."
  • "I had a nice boyfriend but then I ate his liver with a nice chianti."
4. Remain cheerfully upbeat: never reveal how much you hate being single:
  • "Why aren't you married yet?"
    "Just lucky I guess!"
5.  The Passive-Aggressive stance:

"I was dating someone but then I told him about my nosy family and he ran for the hills!"

6. It's All YOUR Fault (or some variant), because this is funny:
  • "When are you going to have children?"
    "Whenever your son gets over his fascination with anal sex."
7.  The honest confrontation: that will probably ruin your relationship with that person (which might be the goal):
  • "What makes you ask such a personal question?"
  • "You're the xth person to ask me that today."
8. The patronizing answer (yes, it sometimes has a place, even if it's only to make you giggle as you consider it even if you'd never actually use it):
  • “Aren’t you . . .” sweet/funny/curious/determined/[your not-unkind word here], with a smile, and then “Excuse me, I need to rescue a friend.” (They don’t have to know that, in this instance, you’re your own friend.)
  • “Why do you ask?”
SOURCE: Inspired by the comments from: