I heard through the grapevine a while ago that he thought I'd changed after the breakup and began drinking and clubbing. It's very humbling to be the recipient of negativity because it illuminates how powerless we are over how someone else decides to feel about us. I can't refute anything. I can't say actually no, I still don't drink, I don't even LIKE to drink, that never changed, why would you think that changed? And then I think but what if I did, so what? And I DO like Justin Timberlake, what of that? Why couldn't I ever feel what I felt? I'm sorry and indignant at the same time. You can't subject a person to those things that were happening, I think, and expect them not to implode. And then I have these imaginary conversations where I try to explain what was happening inside me but the thoughts fly out into the ether to be received by no one.
It just feels really awful to be misunderstood.
"Forgiving is not something you do for someone else. It is something you do for yourself. An unforgiven injury binds you to a time and place someone else has chosen; it holds you trapped in a past moment and in old feelings." ~Carol Luebering