well, that went well. (Post-divorce convo with mom)

Me: so I got divorced today.

Mom: Oh, I thought that was a year ago?

Me: No, it's a year that you have to be separated before divorcing.

Mom: You told you me you were divorced last year.

Me: I could not possibly have, as I was divorced today.

Mom: YOU SAID IT.

Me: ::facepalm::

Later in the conversation:

Mom: So what happened?

Me: Well, I picked up my girlfriend and we went to the courthouse.

Mom: Wait, why did you bring your girlfriend?

Me: As a witness.

Mom: Why do you need a witness?

Me: It's a state requirement.

Mom: *I* didn't have to do that.

Me: I guess your state didn't require that.

Mom: What did they ask her?

Me: They just ask if she can verify that we've been separated for a year.

Mom: That's STUPID.

Me:

Mom: I mean, what does the girlfriend know? They can say anything.

Me: ::facepalm::

Mom: Is it because he was giving you a HARD TIME? OMG I bet it was. You never should have married him!

Me: No, mom, it was fine. EVERYONE has to have a witness.

Mom: I didn't!

Me: That's because. You. Are. In. A. Different. State.

Mom: That's RIDICULOUS.

Me: It can be whatever, but it's the law.

Mom: I never heard of anything like this.

Me: I didn't make the law.

Mom: It sounds like you're telling me a flooky story.

Me: ::facepalm::

Mom: WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE STRAIGHT WITH ME.

Me: