An unsexy conversation about porn

A friend asked recently on a social network for feedback on how his friends felt about pornography.

Maybe I fit into a stereotype but I'm not much into porn. I'd much rather read some steamy love scene in slow, flowery, luscious detail (and I do a fair share of my own writing and daydreaming when inspired) but I don't really seek pictures. But it never bothered me if my partner enjoyed porn. I mean, whatever, right? As long as no one is getting hurt.

But this can be a complicated topic -- even if we supposed everyone in the porn industry was there consensually, are they okay? Are they happy? I mean, I'd hope that anyone who tried that type of work and found it injurious to the psyche would leave, but what if you felt trapped by money or stigma? Maybe you'd be typecast as a monochromatic actor after your first smutty film and doors to Hollywood would slam shut. Or maybe it'd feel like there's little choice because shameless wages couldn't sustain. Or maybe some people would stay despite inner misery, like emotional cutters, unable to stop themselves from doing the things that damaged them. There's probably a huge range of effects, as varied as the people themselves.

No one said this couldn't apply to any profession though, or even anything. People stay with all sorts of things despite ill personal effects.

So yeah, I have mixed feelings about porn. I have mixed feelings about anyone justifying anything that has a large, negative personal cost.

What I do find extremely appealing, however, is passion. Passion in work, passion in love, lovemaking, art, expression, child-rearing, whatever. People can tell if you're engaged. Maybe what I find missing in a lot of porn is passion -- some of it just looks so detached and that seems boring to me.

Chuck Pahlaniuk once said, "You can go a lifetime without feeling anything but skin."

I want more than skin.