It's so easy to browse people online -- the choices appear endless, each profile seemingly better than the last.
Imagine if our jobs were like that, if our bosses could see 30 competing resumes a day for our position. But they don't, because institutional knowledge & established history mean a lot in work relationship and so (luckily) employees aren't tossed aside for someone who looks better on paper. But after a failed relationship, we become wary. Discriminating.
As we well should.
Profiles won't say what you really need to know though: "I will care about your feelings. I will treat you like a cherished treasure. I will be happy to see you even when it's the 10,000th time. I'll rub your back when you're sick and make you food. I'll want you to have time to yourself. I'll support the things that make you happy & fulfilled even if they don't include me. But I'll share myself with you too. I'll give 100%."
Profiles also will not tell you what only time will: can you relax around each other? Is the chemistry good? Do you have similar beliefs and goals?
And do they walk the walk that they talk? People can say a lot of things. But you should pay attention to what they do.
Only time will tell these things. How much time? I don't know, but usually a few months is enough (according to Chris Rock: "You're not dating them. You're dating their representative!"). I'm compiling some tips to evaluate though, coming soon. If you have any advice to share, happy to hear. (<-- My way of saying PUHLEASE help me get better at this! lol)
Dating By Chris Rock by UZI4you
They might not even know that they are what you're looking for.
ReplyDeleteOnly thing I can suggest is keep your eyes wide open, and be aware of clues of things that upset you in the past.
Sadly, I think resumes have more truths on them than internet profiles.
ReplyDeleteWell, look out ladies all the guy needs to do now is cut and paste: (With your permission and a $10 fee)
ReplyDelete"I will care about your feelings. I will treat you like a cherished treasure. I will be happy to see you even when it's the 100,000th time. I'll rub your back when you're sick and make you food. I'll want you to have time to[/for] yourself. I'll support the things that make you happy & fulfilled even if they [might not] include me. But I'll share myself with you too. I'll give 100%."
I suspect that if men addressed the profile in this way, perhaps not in the exact words, would it make a difference? If it was honest?
I'm afraid that I may be a little out of touch with the reality of online matchmaking/dating profiles.
You are so right about too many options. I'm picky. I'm harsh. If the dude doesn't put any effort into his profile, I skip him. If he doesn't put any effort into a message, I don't reply. Then again, I've fallen for words too many times in the past so if a guy wrote on his profile what Mike copied and pasted above, it would have me extremely suspicious. The whole 'too good to be true' thing. My absolute best advice is what you already said: TIME. In time, you will see who they really are but you must have enough perspective to be able to see what they show you when they do. Other than that, I've got nothing. It's not like I've perfected it either, ha.
ReplyDelete