Wednesday, February 6, 2013


I wrote this a few years ago.
Me: good morning!

Hair: nnngghh.

Me: Rise and shine!

Hair: SHINE?? Did you say "shine"?? Are you HIGH? bwahahaha!!

Me: seriously. We need to get up.

Hair: you're kidding. Waking us up at 5 am to embark on a 4 hour drive? But we haven't had our beauty sleep!

Me: yeah, yeah. Suck it up. I don't have time to listen to you whine, we've got to go.

Hair: Good luck with that:

I sometimes idly wonder what it would be like to have awesome hair the way someone might noncommittally ponder the lifestyle of a billionaire: not like it's ever going to happen so no use in entertaining any serious thoughts about the matter.

Most of the time, Hair and I do not speak; we go by the unspoken rule that *it* will resemble sickly medusa's snakes and *I* will benefit by feeling so hideous I won't ever pay much attention to outward appearance and thus concentrate only on inner growth. It's worked so far, but even this morning was a new low. The storm that knocked out power for two days effectively rendering electric styling apparati useless has made the strands grumpy and prone to rise in revolt.

Tune in next week to "as the strand frizzes!" to see the drama unfold, or tell me your best hair-care tip below. Maybe I can crowdsource some sense into these follicles.


So, I was on the way to a baby shower, about to see folks I hadn't laid eyes on in some time and I desperately wanted to look at least a LITTLE presentable. Was grappling with how, when I suddenly realized... I was in *NJ*. Of COURSE I could pretend my overnight bag was a purse and slip into some public restroom with a set of curlers:

You know how in Doom/Quake you can roll over a first aid kit and get like 10% health? I just got 10% less hideous. Ready for baby shower.

1 comment:

  1. Since it's Jersey hair, I hope I don't have to remind you - go big or go home!

    I once got a buzzcut. It was such a bad idea, that now I don't worry about my hair. I'm just glad I have some.