Maybe I'm being dismissive, but.

So yesterday, after two great weekend dates, I decided well, that first dude must not really be that interested anymore or he would still be making an effort to be in touch.

Unless this is what happened.

I wavered between following the Cyclist's advice (yes, I am going to him now for dating advice!) to not be too dismissive, and following my gut (which says "that guy isn't really that into you") and my gut finally won.

Happy gut just won the bet!

So after four days of radio silence (when he'd been texting me throughout), I called off the second date (which didn't have a firm time or place). I wavered again between not telling him I've already decided it's off  and actually communicating this out of decency. I leaned in favor of being decent.

A full day later, he replied, saying, "Not ignoring you, just more in shock... confused... but that is your decision."

I have to spell out for him that you have to pay attention to a girl in order  for her to know you're interested?

I mean, if you're keeping in contact with me all throughout the days during the "honeymoon" getting-to-know-you phase and then suddenly stop, I'm assuming you've moved on. Maybe you met someone else that seemed more promising, maybe you're changing your mind, fine. But the shift is not unnoticeable.

Anyway why do people get so defensive when you call them out on their hidden signals? Call me high maintenance but I have to have SOME standards.

Anyway, we went back and forth a little and his explanation was, "I just didn't know how much communication was necessary before our date."

What? It shouldn't be "necessary" to talk to me, it should feel fun. If it's not, why bother with a connection? People are weird.

Perhaps I am being dismissive, and I admit that I'm oversensitive but I still think actions speak louder than words!

Favorite Facebook status updates

Favorite status updates from my Facebook feed:

"Woke up and saw my shadow this am. Doesn't that mean I get 6 more hours of sleep?" JW

"It's a good thing they call this  movie "There Will Be Blood" because you need that promise to get through the first hour in which nothing happens." RC

"Just witnessed the ugly side of gym hazing. A bunch of bodybuilders opened up some other body builder's locker while he was in the shower and replaced his gym bag with a really gaudy, pink Coco Chanel purse and then ran away giggling." KC

"It probably would have been healthier to deal with my Code Orange-level stress through yoga and meditation instead of pork rinds and soda. Oh well." RC

"Being in the friend zone is like an employer turning you down for a job, then calling you regularly bitching about the person they did hire." TP

"My kid's high-chair tray is 'dishwasher safe.' Translation: It doesn't fit in the dishwasher. Genius." KM

"Valentine's Day science from my dad: "A new study has shown that women with large backsides live longer than men who mention it." DW

"Based on lengthy research at area supermarkets, I've made a significant scientific discovery: Snow is a laxative." BG

"Who is the genius that watched the sport of luge and thought, "That would be so much better head first, with my chin scraping the ice?" SL

"A kitchen worker's nametag here says "Jesus in Training." MC

"I woke up and saw my shadow, which means it's 6 more weeks of hating myself. (It was a fat shadow, and yet, now I order pizza.) NM

"Someone told me yesterday that there are only two things people complain about: 1.) The way things are, 2.) Change." KC

"At an Irish wedding reception someone yelled, 'Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living.' The bartender was almost crushed to death."

"Had choice of 2 documents to pull up on the projector at a 7:30am meeting. One had a list, the other had 'Where the fuck did I put my notes?" I picked right!" JW

"I need to figure out how to explain to my cat that work from home does not mean pet him until he is satisfied." Daniel Sheehan

"'My marketing plan is to create a clever, inexpensive campaign and have it go viral' is the modern equivalent of 'and then fairies will make the shoes while we sleep.'" KC

"Facebook needs a button for "Your [insert diet, belief, cause, etc.] evangilism has finally outweighed your hotness." DP

"The Cheers theme song sounds inspiring until you realize the message is: "Fuck it. Just go to the bar. Only other alcoholics appreciate you." TM

...

Me: (Placing beef cubes in the cart)
Lady: Oh, what a happy baby!
Me: (Noticing that a roughly 70-year-old woman has appeared from thin air and is now swallowing our child) Yes, he is.
Lady: (Making faces) Hi. Hiya. Whatcha watcha Zabayadaya (or something resembling that)
Me: You sound like you're casting a spell.
Lady: (Laughing) I am. I've had three myself, and it will keep them smiling.
Me: Well, thank you. Just one for us.
Lady: My third one was unexpected, after I went back to school to finish my degree. They're all blessings.
Me: (After deciding not to say, "Shouldn't you have been studying?") Well, no one can say you didn't have fun in college.
(Pause)
Lady: Damn right.

And scene.

-KM

10 Types of 30-Year-Old Single Guys | Wait But Why (article)

This applies to a much broader age range than the title implies!

http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/10-types-of-30-year-old-single-guys.html


(Sent from my phone)

(Article link) Guys: Here's why your dating profile isn't working

Date Me, DC nailed it with her article on what's creepy in a dating profile. I know we are not supposed to be superficial but if your username is weird and you're not smiling, I'm not responding. See her full list here:

http://www.datemedc.com/2014/04/guys-heres-why-your-dating-profile-isnt.html

(Sent from my phone)

I told my girlfriend tonight, "create space" (for seedlings to grow, of course)

It's worth it! Going through hell has finally paid off. I just helped another dear soul, one just starting out on her own after a divorce. She's where I was a few years ago.

I wrote her, and will share for any of you who are going through a divorce now, this to consider:

So, the things that are causing pain, I have these same exact thoughts. Less now, but: "Will I ever find love again, who will love me" etc. -- that's the part of you that doesn't feel secure that her needs will be met, that she'll be taken care of. 

She's not yet confident in your ability to take care of her because she's scared, it's like a little kid not trusting the subway because it's scary and she's never been on one. This is a new path and of course since you've never done this before you have no idea how it's going to go. 

If you could say to yourself, like you do with working out, "oh okay, if I do xyz then in x amount of time, x happens." Nope, you're the scientist observing here and have no road map. So bring with you patience, curiosity and a sense of adventure. 

Those thoughts that make you sad, welcome them along for the ride but they are not the only thoughts in the room even if they are being the loudest, most obnoxious ones at the table right now. Don't let them have another glass of wine -- the other thoughts are getting drowned out by their rowdiness but there is room for all to be present. 

The exciting thoughts: you get to have your alone time to do whatever! Maybe write a book? What would you do with your time if you didn't have your business? Try not to let the hopeful green sprout get drowned out by the worries just now -- just smile at it and let it know that there is room to exist in this giant new garden you will be cultivating. 

In order for something new to sprout, there has to be a space. You yank out a big ol' weed and then there's this awkward hole in the ground. It will be there until it's not - but it will not ALWAYS be a hole, there WILL be new growth. 

This is your time of creating space. 

The hardest part of... ANY thing? Our thoughts about it. If you could change your thoughts, you'd change your feelings, and if you change your feelings, then you're no longer in reaction mode and you can harness that otherwise siphoned energy. Just imagine what you could do then!

Like a wise friend once told me (and if you still read this blog, call me!), "What if you just believed everything would be okay?"

And it will.

How to pick your life partner, parts 1 and 2 (best advice I have ever read) (article links)

I guarantee you that not only will you laugh your head off reading this, but you will learn some very astute facts. (Now if this blogger only had a match-making service...!)

How to Pick Your Life Partner, Part 1:
http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html

How to Pick Your Life Partner, Part 2:
http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner-part-2.html

This is what meditation looks like (I stopped it to write it out)

This is what meditation looks like at first:

"Omg my friend's father died today how is she doing now? Maybe I should change my career to help my own dad before it's too late but could I make a good living being a kidney nutritionist? When do I talk to the professor about this... thing... between us and dear god, he wants to give me a computer, which is so thoughtful but I cannot possibly take that no matter how hard he is trying to convince me it's just "extra" there will still be strings attached and if it's really "extra" why didn't he sell it on Craigslist, but he mentioned having a lot of stuff, does he hoard? I can't be with a hoarder. But that doesn't matter, I already determined it wasn't going to go anywhere. Aww I miss the Cyclist so bad but my BFF said it takes 8 weeks for the bonding hormones to leave the body so give it that long before deciding about missing him. Fuck, I left the kidney disease membership printout in the fucking printer at work. I hope they don't sell my name because my mailbox is too small for all that paper. This coming weekend will be the third weekend in a row where I've got a strict schedule and now I have to help my friend whose dad died too, when am I going to help her clean out his house? I wonder if they like lasagna, it's easy to drop off and last a long time but it's not that healthy. Hmm. Chinese food instead? I need to find a craft fair for May and June, time is getting away from me. How do I patent an idea? I have to book a weekend to NY to see my aunt like I promised. What should I wear for my new date tomorrow?"

This is all actual, true stuff. I stopped my meditation to write it all out - seriously this is hilarious! Look at everything I have to do! I'm not stressed about 90% of it because it's mostly stuff I *want* to do.

The key to meditation: you just observe the thoughts, all of them. You don't engage with them or follow them down rabbit holes, just let the stream of consciousness flow through like water until the chatter dissipates. Until it's all thought out. It's so relaxing.

Basically there's a giant to-do list in my head that include tiny thoughts and big, huge, life-changing ideas... some time I shall make the space to follow each in thought and see where that leads. But not tonight. And not while meditating!

(Sent from my phone)

karma

I just opened a fortune cookie:

"Listen to what you know instead of what you fear."

I've been fearing facing my feelings for the sweet-natured guy I met last August when the Cyclist and I were on a break. It was friendzoned after the second date because I still had feelings for the Cyclist. We've developed a friendship, however, and recently I have been quietly noticing how thoughtful and good-natured he is and how nice it feels to have someone really into me. He's been mailing me chocolate, by surprise, with sweet notes and the latest batch included a funny story. He signed it, "Always in my thoughts." My heart softened and I thought I could really get used to this.

But.

He snagged surprise tickets to a concert Friday, scooped me up and took me into the city, treated me wonderfully, even bought me one of the band's CDs and his eyes shone when I squealed in pleasure.

I lack the proper anatomy to say this next part accurately but I feel like a complete dick... after he dropped me off, I didn't long for his company or reminisce about our evening together. Even when we were together, I didn't feel drawn to him or want to hang all over him the way I do when I'm into a dude. I can only be affectionate with someone if I really like them.

My BFF is visiting from out-of-town this weekend and we spent the weekend laughing our heads off and chatting about our love lives. I told her about this situation, how I wanted to like him, that it had all the markings of good relationship material but.... BUT.

"Well, you just don't really have those feelings for him," she said.

"Well, maybe I will develop them," I wondered. "It took me a while to cement feelings for my first love."

"Yeah, but you were a teenager then! Now you know what you want. You've known him for 8 months, that should be enough time to figure out if you like him. What do you feel when you think about seeing him again?"

"I don't really look forward to it."

"Then you shouldn't force it."

It feels wonderful to be appreciated but if your heart doesn't skip, the union is missing whatever it needs to drive you to crave their company.

I don't know what it is.

He's handsome, very handsome, actually. He has a ton of admirable qualities that I like. I trust him. On paper, he has everything I'd be looking for in someone, plus he thinks I'm awesome. But I don't feel it, and if you are going by the "fuck yes or no" policy, since I am not saying, "fuck yes!" the answer must be no.

It makes me sad. I wanted to be in the same boat.


"You can't make your heart feel something it won't..."

Part of me dreads the upcoming conversation. But we weren't actually involved and didn't actually spend a lot of time together so it's not like it was love or anything so it shouldn't be too bad, right?

I hope I never made the Cyclist feel any worse than natural for not being in the same boat as me. It's a good lesson though: why would you try to get something from a person who cannot give it? It's good for me to see this from both sides.

The OkCupid Inbox Of Every 23-Year-Old Girl (Article from Thought Catalog)

I think this applies to women regardless of age, actually:

The OkCupid Inbox Of Every 23-Year-Old Girl: tcat.tc/1giFmRo

(Sent from my phone)

Welp

Well, the sweet thing between the Cyclist and I has finally been put to rest. I feel simultaneously profoundly sad and lighter all at the same time. Sad, because he became my BFF, in a way, over this past year and a half, but lighter because, well, it's not enough for me anymore to have half of someone. I want something real again. He treated me wonderfully in any case, though, and likely the "staunchly in each other's court" friendship aspect will remain even if I can't see him right now. Stellar guy, that Cyclist.

(Sent from my phone)

:(

"You're just another story I can't tell anymore." Unknown

(Sent from my phone)