Thursday, April 17, 2014

I told my girlfriend tonight, "create space" (for seedlings to grow, of course)

It's worth it! Going through hell has finally paid off. I just helped another dear soul, one just starting out on her own after a divorce. She's where I was a few years ago.

I wrote her, and will share for any of you who are going through a divorce now, this to consider:
So, the things that are causing pain, I have these same exact thoughts. Less now, but: "Will I ever find love again, who will love me" etc. -- that's the part of you that doesn't feel secure that her needs will be met, that she'll be taken care of. 

She's not yet confident in your ability to take care of her because she's scared, it's like a little kid not trusting the subway because it's scary and she's never been on one. This is a new path and of course since you've never done this before you have no idea how it's going to go. 

If you could say to yourself, like you do with working out, "oh okay, if I do xyz then in x amount of time, x happens." Nope, you're the scientist observing here and have no road map. So bring with you patience, curiosity and a sense of adventure. 

Those thoughts that make you sad, welcome them along for the ride but they are not the only thoughts in the room even if they are being the loudest, most obnoxious ones at the table right now. Don't let them have another glass of wine -- the other thoughts are getting drowned out by their rowdiness but there is room for all to be present. 

The exciting thoughts: you get to have your alone time to do whatever! Maybe write a book? What would you do with your time if you didn't have your business? Try not to let the hopeful green sprout get drowned out by the worries just now -- just smile at it and let it know that there is room to exist in this giant new garden you will be cultivating. 

In order for something new to sprout, there has to be a space. You yank out a big ol' weed and then there's this awkward hole in the ground. It will be there until it's not - but it will not ALWAYS be a hole, there WILL be new growth. 

This is your time of creating space. 
The hardest part of... ANY thing? Our thoughts about it. If you could change your thoughts, you'd change your feelings, and if you change your feelings, then you're no longer in reaction mode and you can harness that otherwise siphoned energy. Just imagine what you could do then!

Like a wise friend once told me (and if you still read this blog, call me!), "What if you just believed everything would be okay?"

And it will.

1 comment:

  1. Look at how far you've come!
    Good luck to your friend. She's in good hands with you there to encourage her.