When you are house hunting and job hunting, timing is the main factor. You can only scope out options from what is available, not from all the possibilities that may have existed. The only relevant thing is what's available now.
You build up a list in your head of your fantasy home but this will be tempered by reality. What can you afford? What kinds of homes are available at that rate? What are your must-haves? Your nice-to-haves-(but-not-dealbreakers)?
When you finally settle on a place, you begin investing in it. You spend money and time to make it homey and you resign yourself to accept the things you don't like so much. Maybe you hate the long, awkward kitchen but the location outweighs the inconvenience so you settle peacefully into a contented existence.
Same with a job. It has ups and downs, but as long as the ups are greater, you stay. You accept the parts you're not thrilled with because overall you want to work.
Nothing is perfect. You know this.
So why is it not the same with love?
You want love, right? Well, not really, if you turn away all the available options. (Which is okay, really, as long as you're honest with yourself. I mean, some people rent forever.)
At the core of dissatisfaction, however, isn't bad timing; it's expectations. What do you expect/desire from a partnership? If no one fits, is it because the idea of love is unrealistic? Do we expect our hearts to transport us whilst living mundane lives? Homes and jobs are not fantastical, not the way love can be.
No one makes movies depicting jobs that are pinnacles of joy and exuberance (if they did, patrons would laugh their way out of the theaters -- we've all held jobs and no one is buying it!).
But people still believe in a perfect love.
All around me, I see people yearning to meet "the one" and yet I think maybe what's elusive is that the blueprint is missing. Without knowing what it looks like, one can forever yearn for the perfect, unattainable scenario while eking out non extraordinary livings in imperfect homes.
I've spent so much time in a "temporary" place that I have become wildly content with impermanence. It's getting more and more difficult to imagine anything being worthy enough to make me uproot my freedom and space. The only longings I seem to feel now are mostly triggered when I see couples in love and building lives together. "Awww, I want that," I will think, touched by the deep demonstrations of their love, maybe even trying it on in the privacy of my head. What does it feel like to be loved like that?
So I want it, but not really, maybe.
Only if it's amazing, fantastical, the stuff of movies... but maybe that's unrealistic. When is it being grounded vs. settling?
(Sent from my phone)