Friday, January 23, 2015

Recent times, summarized.

On scoping potential roommies:

"Yeah heeeeyyyy, sorry I never got back to your email from 3 weeks ago but I was thinking maybe you could drive me to see your place tonight and then drive me to the metro after, and maybe when I move in you could just drive me everywhere I need to be since your place isn't convenient to anywhere. That'd be greeeeat."

On meeting his kids:

"Can we tell the kids that just before tubing we're gonna swing by Corporate Inversions and Tax Policy? Here's a quarter in case they have a vending machine. I only have one quarter so be sure to get something all can share."

On temporary insanity (not mine):

"Hey now that you met a great guy, you should have a baby!! Three months, pfft, isn't that a common law marriage anyway? Git crackin'!"

On replies that will only be funny to me:

"If YOU want a horse, get a horse! You can be happy having the horse you want and I will be happy not having the horse I do not want. Even?"

On discovering new affectionate nicknames for each other:

"BFF + GF = GFF?"

On finding yourself holding a terrifying wad containing a moist, brown organic substance balled inside a napkin found under someone's ass on the couch:
"Should I wash my hands?"

(Note: if a portion of one's fork is inedible, do not tuck half-chewed lump into pocket in attempt to mitigate the rejected food's unsightly appearance on the table because the alternative is much, much worse.)


On buying a dress that one realizes is almost identical to one's bedroom curtains only after it is too late:

"Isn't there a scene in a movie about this?!?"

On realizing the new couch bed is spectacularly uncomfortable:


(So I called the furniture store to investigate specifically why sleeping on it is like sliding down a mountain for 8 hours straight and so they scheduled a Furniture Technician to come by at 7:45am tomorrow.

Earlier they called relentlessly and when I finally picked up, were notifying me the appointment time changed from 7:45 to 7:47am. I'm sorry I was grumpy. I'm now getting TWO whole minutes more of sleep, I'm set!

On falling more and more in love with this guy every day:

"Pinch me, I must be dreaming!"

Three months. I'm so happy. <3

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