This is rare, but I disagree with one of last week's Carolyn Hax columns:
Q. Dear Carolyn: Can any good ever come from telling someone they were the one who got away? I’m figuring usually not . . . so why is it so tempting? ~AnonymousYou wouldn't know that someone was "the one" unless you were together, right? So there goes that "you weren't with them so you don't know." You DO know.
A. Is it possible even to know that about someone? It’s counterfactual. You weren’t with them so you don’t know what you would have had. It’s tempting because you want to see what it’ll stir up. Do resist, though, unless you’re both free agents. Thanks.
But I say revealing this depends on the motive. There needs to be none. Either you share because it could bring you two together (maybe they felt that way about you too) or because it would be a gift. It may bring a sense of peace that the other person may really appreciate. But you cannot be attached to an outcome or your motive will be obviously manipulative.
If you're in a serious relationship and feeling that way about someone else, it's a sign that your needs aren't being met. That's unlikely to change unless the reason is because your standards are unrealistic; if not, you're going to forever be dissatisfied. And if things with exes (more than one) routinely seem to look more rosy after they're gone, then it may not be that each was "the one" but perhaps that it's difficult for you to connect with your feelings while in a relationship (a whole other thing to explore). Also, if there's a chance the other person already knows (you told them and it still didn't work) then sharing that now is pointless (unless the issues between you two were really about timing).