Tuesday, February 17, 2015

"Could we pls have moar sex? Kthxbai" card - this is hilarious.

I honestly cannot BELIEVE this card passed an editorial content review. I found it Valentine's shopping. Yes, that is my thumb, gripping the card in disbelief.

Apparently, this card is meant for a market of people who want to be having more sex with their partner but are not. It's obviously not for new partners, single people without partners, partners who are hot & heavy for each other, or any other segment of population who is satisfied with their sex life. Otherwise, why bring it up? The only reason to buy a CARD to mention that you "like having sex" with your partner is because you need to have the awkward "WE ARE NOT HAVING ENOUGH SEX" conversation.

Granted, "enough" sex is relative but it's not "enough" if even one member of the pair thinks so. Why things are disconnected can be myriad and complicated and even justified so I'm totally behind the concept that the presence of a disconnection indicates a good talking point, but bringing it up LIKE THIS? Ohmygod.


"I like having sex with you."
(What's this font??)

Sometimes in this busy world
we forget to slow down
for the special things
that really matter --
like having sex.
So today I'm just taking a moment
to tell you how wonderful it is
to have sex with you.
 For even when we're apart
I'm thinking of sex
we've had in the past
and thinking of sex we've yet to share
You're a special person to me
and that's why having sex with you 
is so very special too!


1. Go ahead, say SEX one more time. It wasn't mentioned enough. I think your partner may not get the point.

2. If you're giving this to someone in a long term relationship, they are more than a "special person." They're probably a spouse or a long term relationship (lack doesn't usually manifest early). So you can just stop pretending that this subject encompasses the entire relationship spectrum.

3. If you must have this conversation with someone you're just dating, isn't it just easier to break up and find someone who "likes having sex"?

4. If you have to mention that you're thinking of "all the sex you've yet to share" (because you're not getting enough now and don't know how else to word it) I hate to break this to you but it ain't going to get better. (Without addressing it, at least -- I have links below.)

5. Isn't it nicer to use more loving terminology? Like, say, "I miss connecting with you" or "our lovemaking makes me feel so close to you, I miss time together, can we make a special date for just each other?" There are any number of ways to gently broach the subject better than the above wording.

So thanks, card makers, for that total crack up!

There is some advice on how to spice up your love life:
It's possible that this card is just a joke. It WAS in the "love & intimacy" section and not the "humor" section, but maybe? Even if not, totes could be!


  1. Ah, c'mon! It's *perfect!* You toss that card at your "other", whip out the 50 Shades of Grey lube, and hit play on the mix that starts with Bloodhound Gang's "Bad Touch" and then moves right on to "Show my your Genitals"... Boom! Total. Romance. ;)

    1. This sounds like a hilarious Seinfeld skit in the making if you can get George to do exactly that. A sub would have be on the night stand though.

  2. So did you buy the card?