Tuesday, November 16, 2010

what is love?

Someone commented on an earlier post where I lamented about love. "Perhaps you can write what you think/want true love to be," Anonymous suggested.


I don't think I'm ready to think about this right now, really, but someday I hope to find a sense of home with someone.

I mean that intangible thing that happens when you're so comfortable you can be talking or quiet and still feel a connection. When you can throw your head back and laugh and totally lose yourself or be writing quietly and silently share a bowl of grapes. Where it just feels right to curl into each other as if love had blurred the boundary between. Joy at the simple sight of one another.

I also think lovers should be best friends.

I thrive on close connections. I am not satisfied with superficialities. When I ask someone how they are, I *want* to know. An honest and open dialogue is important.

I like a lot of down time too and so space is also key. I can be skittish if my reserves are low and if someone seems clingy or intense, it can trigger something in me which tends to make me close off (which sounds hypocritical given that I myself can be intense). So maybe it's a matter of being able to read each other.

Qualities that are valuable to me? Sense of humor, kindness, understanding, chemistry, intelligence. Feeling special. It also comforts me to see people take good care of themselves both physically and mentally. I like to see people doing what makes them happy: indulging in hobbies or whatever they find restorative and fun. The joyful and content make good company.

I'm not so unrealistic that I don't see the strain that a tough schedule or burdensome demands can place on a relationship. There's a lot of muck to everyday living. Laundry and bills and cat vomit are not hot (at least not in my house) and so it seems important to make time for fun, both together and apart.

What is love to you?


  1. <obligatory Haddaway reference>

  2. This is Nu and I asked that broad and complicated question. I used to write a lot more when I was trying to find a sense of self and love for self. I asked that question because we are ingrained with what "true Love" is supposed to be, yet never question enough what we seek in Love or what it means to us as we grow. Although Love and Relationships are connected, and most viewed it as one and the same, they should be examined separately. Love and Relationships can exist without each other; people do it all the time out of convenience, but the big question is always, what do _you_ want? To help answer that question, it may help to understand what Love means to you.

    According to Taoism, there are 5 types of Love. I wrote about them a while ago here. Maybe it will help to clarify: http://nofcna.livejournal.com/33659.html

    To me, Love in essence is a very strong and powerful emotion. It's a facilitator for many things, but an emotion alone can not change the world or create better relationships. Relationships based solely on Love can also lead to other emotions like anger and frustration. Strong relationships are built not with just Love but also Communication, Trust and Understanding.

    "Being in love," is the tangibility of Love. Being leads to doing, so being in love is the act of loving. What you described in your post to me, is loving _in a Relationship_. That's what Doug and I do everyday, loving each other. But that intangible connection is build through communication. Lots of communication, especially in the beginning, which in turns build Trust and Understanding, strengthening our values more. It helps though when you share similar values to begin with, and well, physical attraction ;). Having a tough schedule or re-prioritizing certain things in life is a lot easier when your Relationship already has a strong foundation. Without communication, things get unrealistic before you know it.

    Sorry I wrote a book. Would love to talk more in person some day.

  3. Dr. Mathochist beat me to it... and I know it's totally inappropriate to the nature of this post... but the first thing I thought was "baby don't hurt me" and bopping my head to the side. *blush*

    Seriously, if I had any idea, not only would I be replying in-depth on this post, I'd be off writing a book and making millions...

  4. Nu, I can't even tell you how much I love the way you think and how I appreciate you sharing your insight and being there for me. I read your livejournal post. I've so much to learn. But I'm looking forward to beginning... xoxoxo

  5. Also, @Dr.Mathochist & @Geekhiker : don't hurt me! (disco ball lowers)