Monday, April 28, 2014

Maybe I'm being dismissive, but.

So yesterday, after two great weekend dates, I decided well, that first dude must not really be that interested anymore or he would still be making an effort to be in touch.

Unless this is what happened.
I wavered between following the Cyclist's advice (yes, I am going to him now for dating advice!) to not be too dismissive, and following my gut (which says "that guy isn't really that into you") and my gut finally won.

Happy gut just won the bet!
So after four days of radio silence (when he'd been texting me throughout), I called off the second date (which didn't have a firm time or place). I wavered again between not telling him I've already decided it's off  and actually communicating this out of decency. I leaned in favor of being decent.

A full day later, he replied, saying, "Not ignoring you, just more in shock... confused... but that is your decision."

I have to spell out for him that you have to pay attention to a girl in order  for her to know you're interested?

I mean, if you're keeping in contact with me all throughout the days during the "honeymoon" getting-to-know-you phase and then suddenly stop, I'm assuming you've moved on. Maybe you met someone else that seemed more promising, maybe you're changing your mind, fine. But the shift is not unnoticeable.

Anyway why do people get so defensive when you call them out on their hidden signals? Call me high maintenance but I have to have SOME standards.

Anyway, we went back and forth a little and his explanation was, "I just didn't know how much communication was necessary before our date."

What? It shouldn't be "necessary" to talk to me, it should feel fun. If it's not, why bother with a connection? People are weird.

Perhaps I am being dismissive, and I admit that I'm oversensitive but I still think actions speak louder than words!


  1. Ha! Not dismissive. He might not be a bozo, but he comes off as one in this story.

    1. Fistbump!! I'm still feeling indignant and hauty about the whole thing, which isn't fair, but a wonderful defense mechanism for absolving one of guilt for being a shitty person.

  2. Have you seen the movie 'Singles'?

    1. I have not seen "Singles." However, I am tempted to make a version of my own.

    2. Basically 20 mins of the movie is the guy trying to call and his friends telling him not to call, so he blows the chance of having a long term relationship (it does work out in the end).

      it also has one of the best speeches about being in a long term relationship I've seen, in describing it as noise at an airport that you get used to until you move, then you miss the noise.

  3. My better half often accuses me of interpreting any situation in the worst possible way. There are a million reasons why he might not have been as communicative as he was. You can assume what you want and maybe you nailed it but its not a given. Maybe he just had different expectations at this point. Maybe he felt so comfortable with you that he didn't need to check in constantly. Maybe a lot of things. Oh well.

    1. Funny you should write this - I actually asked a scientist this -- someone who specializes in the science behind romance (yes, there is such a thing) and she said basically the same exact thing you did. Can't know for sure.

      She did say that I must not be that into him if it was this easy to dismiss but it was only a first date so I wasn't attached yet, of course it's not difficult.

      But anyway, le sigh.