Monday, June 6, 2011

dysfunctional family dinner

So yesterday, I introduced the artist to my mom and 5 minutes later he told her a story involving the statement "...back when I drank like a fish!" Great. Now she thinks I am dating an alcoholic.

The story about his friend's bullwhip fetish didn't go over so well either.

My mom's eyes widenened and I could literally SEE her picturing me swinging from chandeliers (to dry the wax on my nipples of course) while begging for a light flogging on my nether regions.

(Not that there's anything WRONG with the above scenario for two willing participants, just... do I really want to see it playing on my mom's corneas like a bad porn flick? Her daughter, the unwitting star? Dear god.)

After some other situationally-inappropriate stories, she cornered me in the kitchen and grabbed my shoulders. "OMG ASPLENIA, DO NOT MARRY HIM. He's a nice guy and all but zOMG DON'T!"

Now, my mom doesn't always have the best sense of timing. (Hello? We are only dating 3 months?) Or tact. She seems to feel most alive when topics get controversial. She can be a pretty difficult person, to put it mildly. But her words grated on me.

I don't like to admit this but there ARE flags.

I don't write about them so much because I like to concentrate on the positives but they're there. I almost ended things tonight, for example, because it's my time of the month and I feel like making my life SUCK even more then it already does. And that was even before the ALL CAPS ZOMG email I'm expecting from my mom, reinforcing her "you're going to ruin your life!" pronouncement. I am struggling enough withOUT her negative feedback. Although, being a soon-to-be-divorcee, I should be all my life is already ruined, lala, I can do what I want!

So really, why am I getting stressed?

The artist is still surprisingly patient. We've talked about everything completely openly. He's not scared off by my flags, my difficult mom, or her warnings but maybe that's what years of alcohol and bullwhips do.

Anyway. Stay tuned for as the torso turns.


  1. Hang in there...and LOL - hilarious imagery. How do you find that stuff? lol. I think at this stage in life you can consider yourself healing...and whatever relationship helps you get there, so be it. It doesn't have to be the relationship you stay with forever, it may be the person who is there with you for a season and a reason, rather than forever... just enjoy what he brings to the table and worry about the 'long term' later. If it happens, great, if not, he's taught you a lot about what you should NOT settle for in the next relationship and what you deserve going forward. I thank my ex SO much for that. I believe I can get and do deserve respect and I do deserve someone that 'gets me.' F' trying to live up to someone's ideals and what they think I should be. Accept me for who I am or don't waste either of our time... Good luck sweetie. Hang in there!

  2. I agree with anonymous, but also want to toss in a couple of slip-ups my DH made early on (granted, this was in 1992 & I'm still married). One of the first times he met my mom, AJS was just helping me move a piece of furniture and we were really just planning a "fly-by." My mom offered AJS a drink or a snack (really out of character for her) and he replied, "Nah. I really just want to get the hell out of here." O_o. Also, on subsequent visits, he would just grab a newspaper, hold it in front of him like a curtain, and sit in a corner, avoiding all conversation. This didn't endear him to my folks, but he's not ever going to try to endear himself to anyone (except maybe me); he's a WYSIWYG kind of guy.

    If you want the whole package, embrace it!

  3. Oh, I see your mother and my mother are sisters. This just keeps getting weirder and weirder. :P

  4. Oof. Sorry it didn't go well! He was probably just nervous. It all comes down to what you want, girl. And if you want someone who fits in perfectly with your family, you may have some thinking to do. But if you don't care about that, then just keep living your life and doing what you want! I wish it had gone better for you.

  5. Family dynamics are always strange. At least you got through it. Have fun and give yourself time to see what you want and don't want, regardless of what Mom says. Her voice is just a data point on a large plot.