Are you happy?

 My last post was really dark. The cobwebs of sleep were still clinging to me when I wrote it. I am getting more comfortable with seeing and sharing the darkness though; it seems easier to lift upwards when I grant the gloominess some stage time. Then I don't have to marinate in it forever.

While I have no control over what's transpired in the past, I still have an odd sense of hope. Maybe it's because I know what the darkness looks like? I don't LIVE there though -- just visit -- but man, what a shitty host! I could do better in the self-acceptance category. I need to stop flagellating myself for mistakes. They're really just lessons, right? I cried when a dear friend read that post and gently guided me away from the negativity.

He wrote:

Another thing I wanted to tell you is that after divorce, you feel like shit (and I'm actually candy-coating it). You imagine yourself as the biggest SUCK in the world. For me, I was old, fat, bald, ugly and didn't know who I was or wanted to be. Nothing, at the time, was going to change my mind. I visited friends shortly after the divorce and they really cut into me for being self deprecating. I wanted to hate them for saying nice things about me. My marriage was a failure, my life was a failure and I was a failure.... I fought to explain to everyone how horrible I was. I don't know why I felt I had to share these things with you, probably because I know you're a lot like me. You don't realize how awesome you are and sometimes will fight anyone who tries to change your mind.

And I thought huh. Maybe 2011's motto should be: It Gets Better.

HAPPINESS
is having a cheeseburger the cat doesn't

A recent article about happiness stated there two key components: 1. a sense of mastery and 2. optimism. Happy people feel in control and they also feel hopeful. The article then listed a bunch of questions you can ask yourself to see where you stand:

Sense of mastery:

1. I have little control over the things that happen to me.
2. There is really no way I can solve some of the problems I have.
3. There is little I can do to change many of the important things in my life.
4. I often feel helpless in dealing with the problems of life.
5. Sometimes I feel that I am being pushed around in life.
6. What happens to me in the future mostly depends on me.
7. I can do just about anything I really set my mind to do.

Optimism:

1. I still expect much from life.
2. I do not look forward to what lies ahead for me in the years to come.
3. I am still full of plans.
4. I often feel that life is full of promises.

Where do you stand? Do these questions ring true? Are you happy?

What do you do if you're not?

In Plug all of your leaks or you will die, James Altucher says in order to be happy, you have to establish a ritual or a practice:

"A practice needs four legs: Physical, Emotional, Mental, Spiritual. Ultimately the path to your own personal realization is inside of you. Everyone’s path is different.... But you have to build your own practice. And its called “practice” for a reason. The remaining 23 hours a day is when you put the practice to work."

Then he links to the practice that works for him.)
 

(Read both those links, they're worth it.)

So this is what I'm working on too. Thank you for visiting, for sharing my story, for caring. It means more then you could possibly know.