Three things for a happy relationship. Just three!

I am doggedly convinced happy relationships have 3 components, not just love:

1. Compatibility: This is where you get to write the list of personality traits you want in a mate and gush about how you fit together. It includes love, passion, friendship and whatever else you wax on about.
   
   
2. Communication: How well do you communicate? Both partners must be extremely skilled or it won't work. Can you express your feelings without shutting down? Can you do it without making your partner defensive? Do you know how to use "I" statements like "I notice" or "I feel"? Can you try your hardest to listen in a way that they feel heard? This component is all about relating, the fundamental part of a relationship. It is where each of you must give 100%.
3. Quality of life: Your every day routine should be as easy as possible. Life will have enough difficulty without adding to it -- work, family demands, health crises, etc. will all seek your time and energy at various times throughout your life. No need to add to your burdens. Living in a house that fights you to remain dirty and broken = stress. Broke and can't afford the lifestyle you want? Stress. Responsibilities and duties that loom larger than what restores you? Also stressful. No time to get enough sleep or care for your physical health? Gah! Stress. Take care of yourself and your environment or your relationship will pay. 

A breakdown in any one component can put undue strain on the bond, which can bend (because stress will happen regardless) but if it stretches too far for too long, it may break. Notice when you're feeling stressed. Think about what changes you can make to ease the load. You may not be able to realize it right away -- change is rarely fast -- but planning can lead to eventual implementation.

So this is what I'd wish I'd known way back. Sometimes I write posts just to remind myself, yup! It's not just about love, yo. How you're living & relating will matter too.

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(Summary: when life is shitty, it's like DEATH BY SPOON! 10 min vid, but short recap is... a bajillion tiny thwacks add up!)