Monday, October 15, 2012

short update: taking care

I'm feeling guarded about mentioning The Cyclist. It's the same reason people don't like to announce a pregnancy until it's more established -- too awkward to explain if it doesn't work out. And most don't work out. I mean, up to 1/3rd of all pregnancies fail before the woman even knows she's pregnant (a prof once told our class) and, so, what -- it's gotta be like 99% for fledgling relationships.

We had a date last Friday, before I headed out of state for a family thing The date was simple -- assembling  furniture and crepe-eating but something about the allen wrench stimulated a deeper conversation than usual and we shared more stuff from the past. The process is still moving very slow but that's good. We only see each other like, once a week (? it's not regular nor a given) so the slow pace seems fitting.

Although he is extremely private, tentative bonds of trust are starting to form between us. It's easy to feel affection for someone who treats you so sweetly. He has extremely thoughtful ways, like he will give me little care packages of food when I leave his house or if we are sharing a glass of water, he holds it out to me first before he takes a sip. He gives me the gift of his attention.

Many of my relationships have had a caretaking slant but it's unusual to feel the roles switched in this way where I am being cared for. I am so used to feeling forgotten, secondary or inadequate that I don't even know what to do with his insistence that my thoughts and feelings are important. I want to give back but he doesn't seem to want/need much. I'm not sure how to show him how much I appreciate these things other than being expressive. But I feel very warm inside when I see him because he's so kind to me.


  1. Remember your reminder of the Five Love Languages... You kinda know what you require, so take the time to figure out what he requires...

    Yes, it may not be "love" per se, but don't the same principles apply? Hmm?

    - just sayin'

  2. Have to agree with Mike.

    And as it's right at the beginning, any chance of just enjoying the company and attention, and just letting it unfold a bit for a while?