Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Link to Carolyn Hax column: How do you know when someone really loves you?

Out of all that the article said, this piece of advice in the comments says it best:

"A relationship is like two people rowing in a boat. Stop rowing and see what happens. If your partner picks up the pace to keep the boat going, s/he is in the relationship and wants to make it work, if s/he lets the boat come to a standstill, s/he is not and you should get out."
(Click to see full article.)


  1. It's a good analogy as long as it's just a quick test and you don't try it too much. If you get in the habit of making the other person row too much, especially just to assuage your insecurities, they could become resentful. A love boat works best when both people row. :)

  2. Definitely -- I liked it more for the analogy that if you notice the other person isn't rowing anymore, time to get out (not "test" them). I don't think it's nice to test partners.

    The article spoke to me because of this painful memory (and I was so grateful when a good friend who'd been there throughout all the crummy things said, after I told him the latest update, "I don't believe it." He'd seen how the dude had been acting. Revisionism, who knows. I'm so glad that's far away from me now. But at the time, man did that hurt.

  3. Your arms must be really tired. Lol
    Most of us have loved the ones we were with even when retrospect and current views make us think differently. I love the boat analogy but it makes me sad when I think of the amount of rowing a lot of us have done. I guess it just makes us better rowers in the boats we'll get in with someone else who rows with us.

  4. Relationships only work when both partners try to give more than the other. Doesn't mean both row. Maybe one rows while the other bails the water out. ;)

    But, yeah, I get your, and her, point.

  5. The fine tuning of rowing with another person takes some time. Timing (syncronization), strength (how hard to pull and when) takes time, being in the boat and working together. Some people click sooner, are able to match stroke for stroke. Other times being unequal in some aspect (one stronger or more endurance, etc) adjustments can be made, like to have one person paddle a little deeper and one more shallow. Sometimes you zig and zag for awhile before you get it figured out. You'll very rarely be perfectly matched. Experience comes from learning what can be fine tuned to make headway. Just think...
    sometimes some coaching/ a cockswain with a megaphone at the bow of the boat (someone with a different perspective) is needed.
    I have done a lot of rowing in my time, and I know that there are times we need to let the other rest, and hope that we can make allowances for good and not so good days as even Olympic rowers take time to "be good" together. As long as they have goals to work toward...
    I love the image of the analogy.