"I was a heavy heart to carry
But he never let me down
When he held me in his arms
My feet never touched the ground."
~Heavy in Your Arms, Florence and the MachineFriday feels like a million miles away. I think I understand now a little more of what was happening, and I think it has a lot to do with hormones. They're a little out of whack right now and it has been making me moody.
Saturday I headed off to the Cyclist's feeling a wee bit vulnerable and, because the screenwriter of my life decided it would be fun to give me something ELSE to feel shitty about, promptly got accosted parallel parking on a crowded side street. For whatever reason, parking authorities happened to be behind me and when they saw me eying a tight but available spot, got on some kind of a power trip where they decide to both block me from parking AND hold up the entire street.
I didn't understand what was happening at first so quietly waited for them to pass and then when it became clear something weird was going on, got out of the car and waved them by. "Go ahead!" I said, (at first) cheerfully, since they hadn't seemed to notice my blinker.
"NOPE, we're gonna wait RIGHT HERE while you park."
"But I don't have enough room if you're right behind me, go ahead around."
There was plenty of room for them to go around me but they didn't budge, and then it dawned on me that they were TRYING to be mean. And suddenly it turned into some kind of idiotic standoff, ending with me abandoning that spot (although not without fantasizing about sitting there all fucking afternoon out of spite, except I didn't want to punish innocent people for someone ELSE being a dick). I took pictures of the stupid "HOW AM I DRIVING?" hotline number on the back of their dumb truck and begrudgingly moved my car.
A bystander noticed the whole incident and came over with her dog and kindly said, "I don't know why they act like that, they're awful. Here, I'm leaving in a few minutes, you can have my spot!"
By the time I parked and headed to the Cyclist's apartment, tears were leaking out so I put on my sunglasses and hoped he wouldn't ask how I was doing. Of course he asked but you know, seconds after seeing his handsome face, all my moodiness melted away. He was his normal, stable, sweet self and that calmed me. I crawled onto the couch, wrapped my arms around him and lay there for a while until I warmed up and then everything felt fine again. It was then that I made the connection to my moodiness and hormones. The first two weeks after the medical thing are supposed to be the worst. I got one week left. If my moods shift again, I'll have to remind myself that's what's going on and nothing is actually wrong.
But it was a wonderful weekend with him, maybe the best ever. It feels like we are getting closer. It will be 5 months soon.