Friday, March 8, 2013

You don't really have to meditate to learn this striking revelation.

The one time I tried a group meditation exercise, I fell asleep. "Breathe deep" said the leader. "Relax your muscles and let yourself be." I sighed and sunk into the couch, ragdoll-like. I'm very good when it comes to any preparations which mimic slumber as it's my favorite pastime and I practice it whenever possible.

She continued. "Feel your breath deep in your center. Concentrate on it. Feel your muscles let go and release their tension. Continue breathing."

I was so slack I almost started drooling.

"Now imagine you are standing in a room. There are three doors in front of you. Imagine that door number one opens and out comes one of your selves, your public self, the part of you that you show the world. Sit with her, have a conversation. What does she have to say? What do you talk about? Take some time to visit with her."

I tried to imagine visiting the public me. I pictured myself wearing a long flowing skirt and ripped pantyhose. I walked over to me:
Me: hey.

Public me: 'sup? Make it quick, I'm busy.

Me: How are you?

Public me: Are you KIDDING? You never ask me this. (Ain't nobody got time for that!*this is huge on the Internet right now for some reason.)

Me: No, I'm trying to check in. What do you need?

Public me: Seriously??

Me: Yes, seriously.

Public me: I am exhausted! I need to sleep.

Me: That's all you want?

Public me: God yes.

Me: Fine.
And just like that, I was out.

Some time later I woke up hearing, "And NOW, out of door number three comes your private self."

Door number three??? What happened to door number two?
Me: "Pssst! Quick! What came out of door #2?"

Private Me: "Heck if I know!"

Me: "Um, aren't you supposed to have like huge reserves of brain not doing anything? Aren't you at least absorbing something when I sleep? Can't you rewind the tape and figure it out?"

Private Me: "What do you think, I do all the work while public me is sleeping? Of COURSE I am taking a nap too. We're not that separate."

Me (begging): "Please! What could door #2 possibly be?"

Private Me: "I have no idea. I mean, you got your private and public self, what other self could there possibly be?"

Me: "That's why I'm asking! No clue!"

Private Me: "Good luck with that!"
Great. Now my inner selves were arguing. And then I had to share this with the rest of the group, embarrassingly placed on the spot while everyone gawked in hungry anticipation of wisdom. It was not the first time I'd fallen asleep during class but it WAS the first time I fallen asleep before some measure of public speaking. My revelations were simple, at least. Each and every part of me was dying for more sleep!

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