Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Favorite funny (NSFW) Tweets

@JayFerris: 3 days of packing, lifting, and painful jerking. There's a joke in there somewhere, but I'm too tired to make it.

@FakeeEtiquette: It is rude to post a dating-site profile picture that actually looks like you.

@jstogdill: OH (On dating after divorce): it's nice to go out with someone who likes you.

@TeleEroticist: CBT Line. It doesn't stand for cognitive behavioral therapy.

@TeleEroticist: "I bite down on your nipple as hard as I can." "I smash your penis with the hammer of Thor." And he hung up. Pussy.

@TFLN (662): I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.

@flipflopsinrain: Most awkward auto correct ever: when 'well, fuck' becomes 'we'll fuck'. Sent by your brother.

@danecook: I'm so glad I'm not married to my work because I'd definitely bang other jobs behind it's back.

@Higgins_J: "Holy shit dude, running security at Pride sucked. Was like being a kindergarten teacher. 'Don't drink all that! Put your pants back on!'"

@jordanrubin: I wouldn't say I'm "married" to my work, but we're definitely f-ing the s*** out of each other.

(Sent from my phone)

No comments:

Post a Comment