On longing, and making peace (link to Carolyn Hax column for today) (article)

Question:

"Dear Carolyn: I get you are a strong believer of the be-content-with-yourself theory of singlehood. What I am not getting is when someone is longing for a baby, we “get” this and understand if they skip other people’s baby showers, etc. We can understand their pain. When someone is single and longing for a partner, we assume something is wrong with them for craving something outside themselves. Your advice has really followed these lines and I don’t see the longing as all that different. Please explain." Anonymous

Answer:

"I’ll note that I don’t “assume something is wrong with” anyone who has such a fundamental longing; suggesting I do misrepresents my long-standing position on this. Which is indeed to seek contentment with oneself — not because only defective people do otherwise, but instead because doing otherwise is flat-out self-defeating. What else is there but self-contentment? To curse your bad luck (or good taste)? To blame past partners for not being marriage-worthy, or not regarding you as such? No life goes exactly as planned, and so our happiness with the one we have will depend largely on how productively we respond when it takes an unwanted turn." Carolyn Hax

Read the full answer: http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-two-kinds-of-longing--for-love-or-a-child--have-similar-paths-to-resolution/2014/03/27/98546db0-a961-11e3-8599-ce7295b6851c_story.html