I talk about perspective a lot. I think it's huge. I find I tend to think one way about something but I like to challenge my own worldviews so this means a fair amount of thinking out loud. And some dissonance, when I bang up against ideas that go against my own grain. This is part of human nature, as is the drive for inquiry.
So, one view I have had while single is not to date anyone if I don't
think the potential for falling in love exists. I can't fully explain
why this felt necessary, except that maybe a part of me was horrified
at the idea of hurting anyone because I hurt my ex so badly, or maybe
it was a good excuse not to get too close to anyone because it was too
difficult to be vulnerable. Or maybe it's a combination of these
My justification went like this: you fall in love with people you
spend time with. Thus, don't spend time with people if you don't think
the potential is there. Like, if there's some overriding reason it
wouldn't work, don't even try opening that door.
There were a million reasons to shut possibilities down. Distance or
too long of a commute, or someone who seems attached to an ex, or is
too into me (I don't want to hurt anyone), or they stay up all hours
of the night when I get up at dawn (an issue that did actually exist
in a past relationship)... all sorts of reasons.
I don't know how fair it is for me to have such a rigid construct.
Maybe it's time to soften the edges a bit.
(Sent from my phone)