Tuesday, September 9, 2014

I'm only doing this so I can move

I joined a gym today because I want to move. Like, out of my house. And I refuse to move until I thin out all my stuff, including the nice clothes in a box in my closet that I haven't fit into since I felt good in my body back when my parents took off my training wheels.

Funny that the most powerful motivator isn't the idea of possibly being seen naked someday before I sign papers for a nursing home but that I absolutely will not carry one more box than is necessary into my future next place (hopefully not a nursing home).

I made them give me a body fat analysis test because I was feeling especially humorous and I felt like saying the word "fat" 10 times.

"Hi, I saw the sign on the wall for the free body fat analysis test? Is there someone around who could measure my body fat? I wanna see how fat I am. It's free, right? Awesome!"

So that happened.

Then I got onto a bike and disappeared into another world, at least until the lady behind me made noises of desperation, but I couldn't tell if they were "please call an ambulance" noises or "fuck, this is hard" noises, so I did what any humanitarian would do and continued checking Facebook until the back of the room fell silent.

Can someone please ask people not to grunt so loudly in gyms? It's very distracting and gets in the way of the cat videos I'm trying to watch. Also, how is it possible that 45 minutes of sweating and suffering only burns the equivalent of a single potato chip? There are some very concrete reasons to hate the gym, and not just because it's filled with torture devices.

(Sent from my phone)

1 comment:

  1. I wear headphones at the gym.
    Hello, obliviousness!

    ReplyDelete