Monday, October 3, 2011

The pimp lobe is workin' it

While slaving away in school a few years back, I lamented on a message board about how my student loans were going to kill me. I must have written a pretty compelling post because months later, a TV executive stumbled across it and contacted me, saying, "hey, we're doing a show on financial ruin. Will you be on it?"

Me [as the "wtf are you talking about?" part of my brain lit up, then was quickly silenced by the larger frontal pimp lobe]: "Um... hm. Well how much?"

TV executive: "Oh, nothing. But they'll cover your flight. And you get to be on Oprah."

me: "Bitch! You don't call someone on the brink of financial ruin and offer to shame them on national TV for free. Show me the money!"

Um, just kidding. That's what I was thinking.

Really what I said was:

me: "Um, no thank you."

TV executive: "Are you sure? We'd put you up in a hotel in Chicago overnight too."

me: "How many nights? Like a vacation?"

[Shut up! I had to ask. Come on. Wouldn't you?]

TV executive: "Only one night because that's all that's needed for the show."

me: "pssht. That's it? No thanks."

TV executive [trying several more times]: "But you might like the experience. You'd be with others. And Chicago's a really neat town."

Um, yeah.

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my videocamera beside the golden couch!"

Yeah. Display us on stage, freaks that we are, for ridicule so we can collectively zombify and attach to eachother for support. A bunch of money mismanaging wrecks careening through life, united by their chosen shames. On stage. That's exactly what I want. Before my high school reunion too, just so anyone who ever tried to kick my ass then could see how much my life rocked right at that moment.

So, um, yeah, that didn't work out. But if they HAD offered to pay off my student loans, I would have signed up. I'm not THAT proud. ;)

**For the record, my loans are under control now. I can afford to eat every third Thursday and even bought a new pair of socks recently!


  1. LOL, wow. I think you made the right choice. You might not have money, but at least you have your pride. ;-)

  2. ZOMG, you could have been on Oprah? Good for you for not being a famewhore and turning it down.

    It's why I don't apply to be on the Biggest Loser. Fuckin' hell if I'm waltzing up there in spandex bike shorts and a sports bra, with all my jiggly bits hanging out, and weigh in on a cattle scale or whatever they use, for the whole world to see. I'd be the asshole who'd get sent home and not do well. Like I'd gain weight or something. It would be awful. I'd piss off Bob Harper and everything. NO. I want help but I ain't selling my soul to do it.