Tuesday, April 17, 2012

 I saw this in an advice column:
Q. Dear Carolyn: I am not completely healed from my childhood — but I am getting there. Is it okay to get married and move on while healing at the same time? My gut tells me to go with it — and take it one step at a time.

A. I can’t know whether you’re ready for marriage, but I also don’t believe there’s a magic point where people become “well” or “fully healed” or whatever else we shoot for. Growth is lifelong if you’re doing it right. That said, here are two things to look for before committing to anyone: the strength to live honestly, and the ability to take good care of yourself and the people you love. The latter is straightforward, since a “hot mess” by definition can barely manage one or the other, much less both — and, too, meeting your needs and your partner’s tends to be mutually exclusive in unhealthy relationships.... Why just honesty and good care? They’re key to preserving your sense of yourself within a relationship — allowing you to maintain good relationships and escape bad ones. That’s really all anyone needs.

--Carolyn Hax, From http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/carolyn-hax-boyfriends-dislike-of-exes-is-sign-of-distrust/2012/04/09/gIQAujbg6S_story.html

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