Death Cobbler doesn't go over well.

Me to my new guy (after finishing Chinese takeout): hmm, do you usually save the white rice?

Him: yeah, I don't usually eat it, but sure, save it.

Me (digging around spice cabinet): Oh hey, you have coconut milk! Do you like rice pudding? I'll make you some.

Me envisioning romantic dessert together.
(NOT WHAT HAPPENED)

Him: Awesome!

Me: Okay, go do man stuff, I'll bring you some dessert.

Me in that split second when I like to pretend I enjoy cooking.

<a few minutes later>

Me (pausing to look hard at mashed contents in bowl while sniffling from allergies): um, can you sniff this? I think it smells a little funny but I'm stuffed up and can't really tell.

Him: Sure, I have a pretty good sense of smell. (Leans over bowl, sniffs, pukes.)

Him (composing self): Um, I think we shouldn't eat that.

What?? Who doesn't like rice pudding?

Okay, he didn't actually puke.

He ALMOST puked.

Isn't that endearing of me? It's like, "Hi handsome, I made you something sweet!"

And what is it?

It's Death Cobbler.

Great way to impress your new beau. Try to kill him.

With FOOD. POISONING.

"I AM DEATH. I've come for you all."

"Well, that's cast rather a gloom over the evening now, hasn't it?"

Later:

Him: (wink)

Me (giggling): What?

Him: Totally awesome plan, BTW. Now you never have to make dessert again. GREAT way to nip that in the bud. You could be like "oh no, I can't be cookin' every night. Let's stop this party before it gets started!" 

Me (bursting out laughing): haha! Well, I *do* like frozen yogurt... a LOT. 

Now he knows why I keep offering to bring over milkshakes!