Monday, May 7, 2012

Look, ma, no drama (relationship warning signs) (from advice column)

"Ironically, the more positive and loving a person you are, the more prone you may be to ignoring the warning signs in your relationships. If you have the habit of looking for the good and seeing the potential in people, you might overlook disturbing characteristics or behaviors in your partner, only to find later that you should have paid attention." ~Barbara DeAngelis

"Where you and he differ, he stays put and you close the gap. Look, Ma, no drama . . .But if the only way to avoid drama is for you to absorb all areas of disagreement, then pretty soon there won’t be any you left, either." ~ Carolyn Hax


  1. Yep and yep. Those are (were?) me. Especially 'looking for the good and seeing the potential.' Lists come in very handy for people like me. It helps to see the bigger picture instead of only focusing on the positives or potential.

  2. Excellent advice!
    The trick is to see the behavior when it starts, before it's too late!

  3. The thought that I had is this: The "coupling" of people, that at times exists in what I could call 'a social vaccuum', could cause one or both halves of the relationship to miss (intentionally or not) possible 'red flag' traits.

    What I mean to say is that two people spend time with (just) each other and not their friends, family or others (who know you) and might be able to be subjectively/objectively honest about what they see, what behavior(s) that seem 'off', 'quirky', or even see where you are making big adjustments to exist in the relationship. We all need a little outside perspective. Some times it is unwanted advice, or it could be genuine concern, it would be for you to take with a grain of proverbial salt. That is, if you allowed your date, to mingle, meet and interact with others that you already know. [Goofy thought: Don't we have to think of the fish we put in the same tank, or whether the cats will get along with each other or the dog?] We are animals of instinct, and of habit. The instinct can get us into or out of trouble, as can our habit... I must be tired, as I feel I am speaking in abstractions, as the pictures in my head are clearer than the words I type.