Sunday, September 30, 2012

Benefits/pitfalls to dating someone who was once married

Why you should date an ex-wife
(preferably not yours unless y'all fixed whatever was wrong)
  • She will make you food.
  • If you get sick, she will dote over you. (Well, at least pick a Jewish mother-type. heh)
  • She'll be good at housekeeping. (As long as she's not divorced because of her shitty homemaking skills.)
  • She will understand the concept of downtime.
  • She won't be in a rush to get married again
  • She will understand the value of your happiness adding to your happiness as a couple so she will encourage you to pursue things you enjoy.
  • She'll be used to sleeping next to someone so will be a good bed companion.
  • Will understand what can go wrong in a relationship and wants to have learned from it so it doesn't happen again.
  • She won't want it to fail next time so will be extra cautious going in and extra motivated staying in. 
  • She'll want to share her life with you. 

And pitfalls:
  • You will still have to kill all the spiders.
  • You will probably get less leeway for the things that she disliked last time around.
  • She will be more sensitive to normal conflict, afraid it might indicate pending doom.
  • She might be so used to being a wife that she doesn't remember how to be a girlfriend anymore.
  • She will want attention and reassurance that you think she's amazing and are crazy about her. (Neglect can be a sad side-effect of longterm relationships where an inevitable shift to devoting time & resources to career & family take precedence over the relationship.)
  • She may be more guarded about the value of her time and thus desire more help around the house.
  • She will want new furniture and things you can call yours together and not leftover from either partner's past but, practical girl she is, she won't feel comfortable acting on it because the expense will make this idea unrealistic. But she'll want it though.

And now for the funny divorce cartoons part:


  1. Unfortunately, at least ten of the reasons, "Why you should date an ex-wife" don't apply to women in NJ. All of those reasons are why they are divorced(at least once) in the first place. :)

    Seriously though, I love the post and the cartoons.

  2. Awww. I want to hear YOUR take on why someone should/shouldn't date someone who's been married before. I'll share my thoughts if you share yours. :)

    1. Well, in actuality, I think people should date the person they bond with, whether or not they've been married before. I don't *really* subscribe to sweeping stereotypes.

      The most important factor seems to be finding someone who wants the same thing as you out of a relationship, and as a formerly married woman used to sharing much of her life with a partner, I want that again. I really enjoyed aspects of it. I have seen that desire in others who were married before too and as long as it's not just a scramble to replace a warm body but a genuine desire both parties share, great.

      It's really just being on the same page. I've dated a number of people who did not want that kind of relationship when I did and that's what burned me. Where I went wrong there was not paying attention to the fact that we wanted different things, hoping they would develop a growing affection for me and want to solidify it into the kind of relationship I desired. But both people have to want the same thing at the outset. Timing is so important.

      I'd love to hear your thoughts too!