Monday, September 3, 2012

The Great Asplenia Protuberance

Standing by the register at the cleaners recently, I noticed a rack of dresses for sale. "This is cute!" I commented, poking at one.

"You try on," urged the owner in her thick Russian accent. "You size [fictional number]?"

I shook my head. "It varies."

She took a sweeping glance, eyes landing on my backside and nodded solemnly.

"Ah. Because you..." she paused, looking for words and, failing, flowed her hands in a wide arc mimicking an enormous and grossly-misshapen hourglass. "You. Beeeg!! THERE."

She pointed at my rear, beaming, having happily identified The Great Asplenia Protuberance.




  1. Reckon I'm safest just nodding and moving on... ;)

  2. I have no idea where you hide this 'protuberance' you speak of... I imagine a structure of wire and whale bone worn under your skirt, but over your petticoat. A 'bustle?' Is that what they call it?

    If it is not removable (as above) Perhaps it is a matter of optical illusion. A very narrow waist,a slight additional curve in your lumbar spine, and proportionate hip bones make it seem that 'you got more than you thought'. After all you are much closer to the rest of you, and able to scrutinize. I really have a hard time realizing how big my hands and feet are, as they are quite distal to the rest of me. I pick up a boot or shoe and compare, and "wholly S#iT, them suckas is big!" But they seem not out of proportion to the rest of me. Let's not even mention my ears...!

    You are a lovely shape, from my reckoning, and it is perhaps only you that seems to notice this 'ghost protuberance'. (like a phantom limb)

    Thinking of women that have at some point in their lives lost a considerable amount of weight, they are some times known to have a residual body image, seeing what once was, not what is. Nan compares herself to the skinny (70's David Bowie thin)17 year old that she once was, long before she developed as a woman.

    I know, I am a guy. What the hell do I know. Just let me reassure you, hope that you take it to heart, as it is intended, and move on.

    1. ::blush::

      Thx... I don't really like discussing my looks much because whatev; but laughing at the laughable is another story. :)