Saturday, October 11, 2014

What relaxing weekend?

This has been an especially trying coupla weeks.

I've been juggling it all like a motherfucker: medical crises, existential crises, physical limits pushed yet working like a machine, boss as fuck, getting everything done even when up at 3am texting my mom in the hospital and looking for houses and working on book idea and getting oil changes and attending workshops. It was a lot but I was HANDLING it.

Even when I found out my ex is having a baby and I cried and stalked the mother of his kid online (she's adorable, and Facebook, I both love and hate you) and poured my guts out into my diary, even that sucked but after I got it all out I was chill.
I was good, or at least not incapacitated, until the "conversation."

Mom: Hey, here's all the stuff that's wrong with you.

Me: Cool, hey, can we talk about something else?

Mom: Not really.

Me: How about we talk about what's NOT wrong with me?

Mom: Naw, that's not really how I roll.

[Talking happens, venus orbits the sun...]

Mom: So? This was good.

Me [rising from pit of despair]: Are we done?

Mom: One more thing. How would you like to have a family intervention? I'll call your sister and cousin and we can go over this again.

Me: Um, no thanks, I'm good.

Mom: Wait, why do you have low self-esteem? Go cheer yourself up! You don't watch enough TV.
So that happened.

Me to friend: She thinks everything I do is wrong. My job is wrong, my house is wrong, I'm not married yet, I don't have kids, etc.

Friend: Wait, what's wrong with your job?

Me: It's not down the street from her house.
If you've ever had a conversation with someone in an irrational state, there's one of two things you can do: try to make sense, or accept that no sense is ever going to happen.

Stress follows the first law of thermodynamics. The law of conservation of energy states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it merely transfers. Stress follows this law. If I did not take the ball of outstretched tension held out to me, it would stay inside causing the holder distress (on an already distressed system). Because she's going through a medical crisis and I'm not, I took the ball but hot damn!

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