Saturday, November 29, 2014

Wherever you go, there you are

So things have been humming along beautifully in this new wonderful relationship, now just 5 weeks but feeling very... different... than usual. So crazy about this guy, and no triggers, it's nuts. I've stopped trying to understand it and have just been basking in the light of his attention.

And then my phone died and suddenly everything was silent when I rebooted. No texts, no replies, nothing.

I was cool at first. "Oh maybe he fell asleep mid-convo. I should get some sleep too." I drifted into a sound, peaceful sleep of oblivion for the next 8 hours. When I woke, I still felt that sense of peace that comes from being in love.

"GM sweetie," I texted.


Well, maybe my cell company decided my unlimited plan should have a limit after all and it broke. I called and reached his voicemail, smiling when I left a message. He has the most amazing voice.

Still, crickets. Now I was starting to get worried. Was he in the hospital? Was there an emergency? Ohmygod I know. He doesn't love me anymore! That must be it.

A half hour later I'm sniffling into a box of tissues emergency-texting Relationship Crisis Friend (everyone has one), because the obvious conclusion is that something terrible is going on, of course. Rational brain is (not) rational!

Me: I'm having a moment.

RCF: What's going on?

Me <honking loudly>: I haven't heard from him since my phone died last night, this is so unlike him. What if there's been some kind of emergency? What if he's not okay?? Or maybe he's rethinking us. <SNIFF!>

RCF: Why would you think that?

Me: I dunno, just triggered I guess. About this time last year I dated someone for about 6 weeks and they seemed really into me until that switched off overnight. Although that situation wasn't like this. We hadn't gotten close.

RCF: He's not last year guy. Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be in touch.

Suddenly BF reaches out. Interrupts my crisis session. And it's fine, everything is fine, he's still the same amazing guy who seems to think this thing we're growing is the most amazing thing ever and I find myself relieved and sheepish. Wherever you go, there you are. I'm so much better, but I'll never toughen those sensitive innards.

I decided to confide that I'd been feeling vulnerable, but maybe only the tiniest bit so as not to scare him away. Like, leave out the part about the tissues. Maybe sound cavalier. "Yeah, I thought maybe you were in the hospital, or marrying someone else or something." Yeah. No big deal, right?

But he got it, all of it, even what I didn't say, and even when he couldn't even see me. He wrapped words around my heart tenderly like gauze bandages and a hug, and for a moment, the world melted away. <3

(Sent from my phone)

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