Monday, June 24, 2013

Deep conversations with shark boy

Me (to old roommie who is a shark fanatic): From my Twitter feed, because they're not scary enough grown: "Shark fetuses fight and eat each other while still in the womb - the one that is left alive is the only one that is born." I just fact-checked it. Can't you pick a more cuddly, gentle species to revere??

Sharkboy: Killer whales?

Me: They're known for ripping the 2,000 lb tongue out of gray whales leaving them to bleed or starve to death as the killers search for only the most select, prized morsels of their prey's flesh. Do you have a third runner up?

Sharkboy: Rabid chimps.

Me. Not the face-ripping off kind?? (Is there even another kind?)

Sharkboy: Nope. Angry chimps are cool.

Me: I give up!!

Sharkboy: I like nature. Bad nature, but nonetheless nature. Condemn me if you must but I'll set my chimp on you.

Me: Nooo! Face transplants aren't regular enough yet!

Sharkboy: They may only gouge out your genitals.

Me: Oh, okay. I'm not using them anyway.

Sharkboy: Word.


  1. Sounds like you need to buy a rabid leopard(Natural predator of the rabid chimpanzee.). I can get you one for cheap on the internet.

  2. I don't mind the face ripping. It's the poo flinging i'd like to avoid...