Friday, September 13, 2013

my subconscious has something to say...

So I chatted with one of the two guys I am getting to know last night. I'm not much of a phone talker so we have emailed more than talked over the past two months. Anyway, conversation was great, I got off the phone thinking how nice it was and that maybe it would be fun to see him again. We'd only been on two dates so things are moving extremely slowly but this is good.

He wrote me the sweetest email this morning though, one that made me simultaneously feel warm and scared and I'm not sure how to respond. I don't want to shoot down his affections, I love it that he's expressive -- just, I don't know what to do with this.

Do I ignore that he just shared his feelings? Do I just respond with something that is not of an equal level but true to myself (thus awkward because it won't "match" him)? Do I use it as an opportunity to open a discussion and tell him where I am? I mean, I like where this *may* be going but I'm not sure. What he shared isn't at an inappropriate level (that usually sends off alarm bells) and I can tell he is not desperate or lonely or anything. And I can see about myself that I scare easily, so I'm just trying to put this in a realistic perspective.

Heh, speaking of scaring easily, I had a dream that I hugged my stepmom and she said "you're emotionally unavailable, you're emotionally unavailable." I guess I am thinking about being emotionally unavailable...!

Maybe I will use this as an opportunity to be open and talk. That always seems to be the best way to approach things. But I can't do it right now, it will have to wait until late tonight.


  1. My problem in dealing with my subconsciuos is recognizing what it's saying vs hearing what I want it to be saying.

    Whichever you choose, as long as you keep your peace of mind, you should be alright...

    1. That is SOOO true. It's like the difference between really listening and only kinda hearing.

      I think I'm not ready to go in either direction and so no choice (but alone).

  2. It is a shame that we cannot edit what we say as we get the feedback (sometimes non-existent)from the people we choose to communicate with. Is there a way to say,"Before, what I am about to say is "published" in your understanding. Understand that you should think of this as a DRAFT version of what my mind is thoughts and feelings are at times hard to put into words." and "It would help me if you could try to tell me what you hear/think I am saying, and I'll do my best to clarify...","...which will give me a chance to be better understood."

  3. I like that: "this is a DRAFT of what my mind is thinking." Maybe a good way to convey that is to say "I don't know how to say this..." or "I'm still trying to understand how I feel about this" or something.