Sunday, January 30, 2011

Fuck sad songs.

To celebrate the amazing kung-fu hip joint save I just exhibited during that 10 foot ice skid down my driveway, I am instituting operation Fuck Sad Songs and Eat Meat.

Here's how crazy I can get.

On line at the supermarket, I came across the horoscopes, which I don't even BELIEVE in, for chrissakes, and read his: "Tonight is the best love night of ALL YEAR!' 

And I fucking got jealous.

I got jealous because of a fucking horoscope. Because he is free tonight and not with me, and VENUS is in his house of true love and he will find it tonight and it won't be with me.


In the 0.0001 milliseconds it takes for a neuron to fire from the logic lobe to the jealousy lobe for a proper ass-kicking, that's what fleeted through my tiny, smooth brain.

 It never developed into a full thought but I grabbed the fledgling nonsense anyway and wrestled it out into the open because really, is this not the most hilarious blog fodder? Who fucking gets jealous from a bullshit horoscope?

This is crazy. I was never the jealous type. I fucking set up my husband to photograph a half-naked lingerie model for a business project and did not feel jealous even when my dad said "Are you NUTS?" Hoo. I needed to knock some sense into myself.

This was me, except add
a huge bag of groceries
I came into the house after almost busting my ass carrying a full bag of groceries (you should have SEEN that skid), sat down with my salad bar selection of quinoi, kale & flank steak and realized I have GOT to stop listening to sad songs like I did the whole way home from the supermarket because it's too much. It killed all my desire for going out. So I canceled my plans and put away the letters I'd been writing, deleted our texts and filed the photos of us laughing together. I will look at these things someday, just not now. He wants space and I can't grant that to him until I get him out of my head.

Thinking of him made me happy. But not if I'm the only one.

At least I have not lost the ability to laugh at my utter ridiculousness!

1 comment:

  1. "I've never had kale steak before," commented the serial comma killer.