Sunday, April 7, 2013

Don't leave home.

 If you're feeling unhappy in your marriage, read the below article on why it's better to try fixing it (unless it's abusive) than leaving and starting over:
"John and Julie Gottman’s nearly four decades of tracking couples shows that solving most problems is not an option.  For any given couple,* happy or not*, 69% of our troubles will never go away.  All contend with chronic issues from the annoying to the dire, including differences in emotionality, lifestyle preference, values, neatness, organization, independence, how and with whom to spend time and money, how and how often to have sex, household chores, involvement and discipline of the children, activity level, people orientation, decision-making, ambition and work, religion, drug and alcohol use, and marital fidelity. And switching partners just switches us to a new set of unsolvable problems.  ... The [problem-solving] method the Gottmans have found most effective?  Teaching couples to really listen to one another....The goal isn’t problem-solving, but uncovering the longing buried in the conflict—which develops friendship and reduces pain and distance."

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