Wednesday, July 9, 2014

The egg experiment, for busy-ass adults

I am sitting in front of my computer with a hoodie on to block the blast of arctic air streaming out of the ceiling duct above my desk from turning my head into a block of ice. At least for the duration of this post.

I want this to be fast so I can go play with some beads.

You know how in middle school (gotta catch 'em early), most kids get assigned the "egg" project? The goal is to liken an egg to a baby so youngsters could see the responsibilities of parenthood manifest before they hit puberty. For a week, you carried an egg around with you at all times. If you didn't have it with you, you must hire a sitter -- someone has to oversee the egg. It can never be left alone, not even for a minute. (Of course, the egg doesn't wail, demand strained beets nor spray unmentionables from various orifices so it's nowhere near the reality of having a baby, but for an 11-year old, the analogy sufficed.)

I want some certain someones to do an egg project, just for me. I want someone to pick up an egg, starting with when I wake up, and carry that egg until I get home. Then they can put the egg down until bedtime. During that tiny window that they are not holding the egg, everything they wanted to do that day can happen.

Email BFFs? Make doctor appointments? Call Great Aunt Sally? Exercise?  Pay bills? Reevaluate retirement accounts? Flip through online potential boyfriend catalog & respond to messages? Paint toenails? Update cell phone OS? Go foodshopping? Blog? Work on side business? Eat dinner? Meditate? Fly through the air & become one with the universe? Socialize with new roommates so you don't appear antisocial? Fuck around on Facebook so you at least know what people you don't have time to see are up to?

Fine. You've got a 1-2 hour window. Go.

It is exceedingly frustrating to stretch up against these limits of time.

This makes it difficult in the dating world, because I'm constantly meeting new people. I've even gotten really good at meeting upstanding people, thanks to being as picky as hell. No spark for the last batch, but still... really great guys I could see being friends with. But between family wanting attention and the folks whose company I adore & crave, I don't know where to grow all the new friendships.
"No, Thursday's out. How about never--is never good for you?"
And now my eyelid is twitching from staying up too late the last few days and I need everything to stop.

Where do people get all this TIME??

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