signs

Maybe this shouldn't be the case, but I feel like I just went through another breakup. As I drove to work, music auto-cycling through The Breakup Mix (basically every song on my phone), I thought yep, there it is. That sore spot right in the chest.

God, dating is exhausting. When it's going well, it's exhilarating. Last night I dreamt I was on a tiny raft tossed about on enormous waves. Somehow we rounded a corner and a giant swell upended the boat and I saw it coming -- I was going to fall into the water no matter what -- so I jumped. This way I was in control of the falling. I jumped ship. As I crashed into the sea, I remembered all the other times I'd fallen in and a thrill ran through my core.

But then I woke up and remembered what was really going on and the sadness hit.

I didn't really want to end it, you know. I get attached. But there were signs. Maybe I am hyper-sensitive to signs, which isn't totally fair to the guy. But I think about times I overlooked the signs and I was usually sorry.

It was only a month but he was growing special to me.